15 November 2011

Common Sense People!!

Why do I have to meet people who have no common sense. Come on people! We are already in a university and we should be able to think logically! We are not babies anymore, who can't differentiate between bad and good things. How babies actually are? They keep on asking questions even which the answer is obvious like,
"Mum, why do I have to go to school?". 
Just because they are kids and they know nothing, the mum won't say something like 
"Awwwhhhh baby, because you're dumb!". 
But if it was you asking, guess that should be the answer.

Luckily I'm not one of those people who are lacking of common sense. Also known as BLONDES. But blondes are way, way dumber. Ok. So firstly, have you ever heard of this blonde jokes? If you haven't, go search at Google, hoping that you understand. If you don't then you're a blonde too. You know why? Because you don't even take a minute to understand it and you say you don't understand it. I'm sorry to say but they are usually girls. I'm not trying to degrade females though I am one. 


I can't deny that girls are excellent in academic. Sadly they are only being book smart. Not street smart. That's why nowadays there are students who are willing to be prostitutes just to get money for their own. They never think of the long term consequences, what their future might be. For them, at that moment, they feel that the money will guarantee their future for which it is used for their fees, house rents and etc. Duit haram! Tak berkat ilmu!

As always men have so many plans. Alaaaa... Pujuk sikit dah terperangkap. Yes, I can't deny men can always be good thinkers and they are intelligent in their own way. Itulah sebabnya Allah jadikan lelaki untuk memimpin. 

Ok. Seems like I've been carried away. Back to the topic, I just have a few things to say.

1. Use your intelligence wisely. There's no need for you to ask something that's obvious.
2. Use your logic part of brain. YOU are able to be independent and find your own way to get what YOU wish to find. Do not ask as long as you haven't found it. It may be on your head, in front of your eyes or needs some patience to find. This is applicable to finding stuffs, info or whatsoever.
3. No need of being panic when you can't do something. Keep calm. Chill....

This is truly stupid.

Honestly, I always try to find what I want with my own will. I never ask first. Because I always believe with that one ability of never give up and you will always find your way. Even small things like finding how to register a course. I do take some time to check the details, which is needed, which is not. With a little logic, you think why this can't be done, why that can't be done. Not simply jump into conclusion, that is, I don't know how to do this, what should I do? Why it turns out to be like this?? HELP! HELP!!

Later in your life you'll yell to your husband, "BANG!! How to feed the baby?? Tak tau nak buat apa!!". Memang kena PANG sekali kat muka. Padan muka. Hahah! But I don't blame some people are slow at catching info. When we explain to them zillion times they still don't understand. They are meant to be like that. Dah lampi nak buat macam mana. BUT PLEASE, if things are obvious, don't ask! Just find your own way to do it. If not, it'll become a habit. A BAD HABIT. If you're slow, learn to pick up fast. Or else you can make people pissed off. 

In class, you're lucky if you get patient teachers or lecturers. During my secondaries, memang ada yang tak layan if you ask stupid questions. It is as if disturbing the class, making the class pace slow. Sejarah with Mr. Rama memang extremely express. Ketinggalan, nasib lah korang. Study sendiri. Kalau tiba2 ada test, nasiblah. I even failed some quizzes during awal tahun because I was busy with sports activities. It did affect my pointer. Yes. KYS guna CGPA and GPA pointers macam kat university and all of that so called carry marks. And I always wanted that 3.5 GPA to get the Principal List but never got one. I've faced so many disappointment. 

Apa2 pun, just take a deep breath, think and do. Ask people when you're totally stuck. But I always ask stupid questions just to annoy people. At least they know I'm being annoying and not gonna hate me. But haters will always hate, only if they take it seriously. Yeah. Emo people. Ok. Hopefully when you read this, you are less likely to talk to me because of THIS!! Nevermind. I just hope you guys learn something from this. No offense. Just saying.

Assalamualaikum and good day.:)

24 October 2011

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!

Assalamualaikum, salam sejahtera....:)

Lamanya tak update my blog. Been busy+lazy. All the sy/zy. Weeeeeeee..!!! I just got back from UiTM Segamat. Woahhh!! Okay. So where do I start? Wrong question I guess. What should I write? I'm here not to tell what I've gone through for the past few months though I did share some. Because I think it's interesting? Maybe la. Padahal lame je.-.- Ok. Just wanna share whatever is important. Give reminders. Sorry if dah jauh menyimpang. Kadang2 rasa macam tak ingat dunia. Overexcited. Freak. Hohoh.

Feel like writing something but still considering whether to write or not. I'm not gonna troll anyone here. I make stories public but let the doers remain unknown. I have no rights to publish their stories. Good girl aite? Give me some time to think what to write. Let me remember what had happened and share. *tidur dan cari ilham*

Assalamualaikum, selamat malam...;D

26 August 2011

Left Unwritten

It has been a while since the last time I updated this blog. Kinda busy. Or still thinking what to write. Pity lah my blog. Abandoned for quite some time. But I promise I'll be back with factual entries instead of recent happenings in my life. Quite unnecessary but felt like sharing. If I can write out good points, I'll feel relieved. I just need some inspirations, ideas, observations and yada3 at the moment.

I feel like I'm a bit lost. But where to? Guess I should find my way back and hit my head so hard. I currently don't have the writing momentum. Guess I should say something during the 1 week break. Maybe I'm a bit under pressure with the surrounding, making me uncomfortable and disturbed. Oh well... Guess I should go for a rehab. Trying to get that Alya back. Guess the surrounding's trying to make me change myself. A bit depressing and finding a way to get rid off it. I'm starting to get to that depressed stage. Ain't good.

Need my remedy. Don't wanna hear anything from anyone. They're trying to make me tend to show the bad side of mine. Anger. Dah lama tak jadi hot-tempered. But once kena, I swear you won't dare to come near to me. If I'm out of control, I may beat you up hard. Seriously. That's the worst I've done and I wish nobody forces me to do that again. I was bad at anger management. And now, just because I try to be as patient as possible, it doesn't mean you can simply make me angry. Don't laugh, don't ignore. I've beaten up people when I'm terribly mad. People may say I've lost my mind but it's true.

Who says a girl can't be like that? People have their own ways of expressing anger. Eventhough people have changed, don't ever think they won't repeat what they've done. It may happen again for at least once. I'm just tired with people around me and myself too. Need some rest and find some peaceful moment alone. A bit emo. Sorry for that. Didn't mean to say. Just, it's something that has not been told. It's a warning that I have my limits too though people see me being happy-go-lucky all the time. You're wrong people. This is a simple warning. Follow if you don't wish to see me beat you up. I've kept all your words that hurt my heart so much and yet I'm still smiling, layan. I don't wish you would make me embarrass myself doing bad things to you. I'm done with it. Do respect me. Please.

Just saying what I've kept for years because of me, trying to manage my anger. Throughout those years, I've kept so much and my friends know that I used to have fights with boys. Punching and kicking. Forget all the pain. It's all anger rushing in my blood. I enjoyed it. To make others feel my pain too. Done. Going to sleep peacefully. Alas!! Goodnight. Assalamualaikum.

10 August 2011


Assalamualaikum and selamat sejahtera...

Sesiapa nak copy of paperworks, can ask from me. Give me your e-mail!! Especially Vigor2 sekalian yang dah mula busy with works and in need of proposals and whatsoever. Secretary anda masih menyimpan dua-tiga complete proposals and other documents!:) Sorry tak ada banyak because banyak yang dah hilang. Sedihnya... Hasil kerja aku semua hilang begitu sahaja. Okay. Yeah. Terasa nak cakap, BAJETNYEWWWW.... Sekadar perasaan.:)

Daaa~~ Assalamualaikum...

9 August 2011

Stuck in the Middle

Have you ever been in a situation where you just have no way out? Or a a situation when you're new to a group of people and they just don't know you and can't accept you yet? Oh yes! I'm stuck in the middle. Ok. Let's say, you just became a friend to someone who just lost a friend. You're new to his or her world. Well, friends know each other and try to adjust themselves so that they are compatible with each other. Of course lah. Kalau seorang macam itik, seorang macam ayam, macam mana nak understand each other and get along kan? Whatever happens between both of you, tak ada lah nak kecoh to the whole world and masing2 ada their own point of view.

Usually the matter of point of view ni timbul when berlakuya conflicts or misunderstanding. Maybe si A ni rasa dia ni cuma marah sikit with B while B ingat dia ni marah sangat dengan his or her mistakes sampai B ni rasa bersalah. But then korang dah selesaikan sesama korang. HOWEVER!! I repeat, however, when other people know what happen between both of you, people will start to make assumptions and create bad stories. Even things that you don't even do boleh jadi issue. I've seen and experience this a lot of times sampai dah jemu and dah bosan. Why nak campur tangan hal orang lain when you just know nothing. I mean, tak kisah lah if ada berniat murni nak selesaikan pergaduhan but find the right time to do that because things may get even worse.

Ok. So let me make it clear, tadi kiranya A ni berkawan dengan kawan baru bernama B kan? In the same time, A ni ada group of friends. Kawan sedia ada dia. So katakanlah in the situation kat previous paragraph ni was created by kawan2 lama A ni and they just give a warning to B to stay away from A, mestilah B terpinga2 sebab none of what they say are even true. Ni semua sebab that wrong assumptions they made or even base on incomplete story from A. Kalau dah ada masalah, mestilah nak cari kawan untuk meluahkan masalah kan? So mestilah both A and B nak buang segala masalah yang terpendam dalam diri. Maybe for A after dah berbaik lepas gaduh tu, dia rasa nothing happens because dia ada his or her friends yang support all the way. Kawan dah kenal lama kan...

B's situation memang far different from A. B ni dah lah baru kenal those people and when kena macam tu of course lah dia tak tau nak selesaikan masalah macam mana sebab he's on his own. Nobody's there for him. So kalau dia nak cerita kat orang lain, orang lain bukannya kenal that group of people yang menuduh dia ni. What hurts the most when B dikatakan have influenced A a lot sampai dia dah berubah. B memang lah pelik because dia sendiri rasa dia memang jadi diri dia sendiri and dia tak pandai nak pengaruh orang. Maybe changes of ways buat orang kata A dah berubah walhal tak salah. Kalau salah pun, mestilah dielakkan sebab sebagai kawan, kenalah memahami and tegur kesalahan. Unless A tak kisah with whatever B does. Maybe what B does memang secara tak sengaja. Bukan dibuat2 untuk buat A rasa berkawan dengan B lebih best daripada kawan dengan orang lain. Maybe A terlalu seronok jumpa kawan macam B sebab tak pernah jumpa orang macam tu. B tu pun tak nak bagitau A yang dia kena sound sebab dia tak nak menyusahkan A and buat kawan2 dia sound B lagi. So B ni biar simpan keperitan tu seorang diri.

So tu contoh situation that I'm trying to give. Deep from my heart, I just wanna say something. Sepanjang hidup aku, aku tak pernah pengaruh orang, melainkan pengaruh yang baik sampai orang terlalu sayangkan aku dan berterima kasih atas kebaikan yang aku bagi. Sebenarnya aku lebih mudah dipengaruhi. Orangajak aku berubah, aku pun berubah. Orang ajak aku buat jahat, aku fikir banyak kali. Tapi kalau hilang kewarasan nak berfikir panjang, boleh gak jadi jahat. Senang sangat untuk orang menipu aku kerana aku terlalu mudah percayakan orang. Senang sangat untuk patahkan hujah2 aku sebab aku ni selalu cakap mengarut je and mudah mengalah kalau orang tu mampu berkata2 lebih hebat dari aku. Sangat mudah untuk orang ambil kesempatan ke atas aku. Aku ni lemah sebenarnya. Ada lah gak orang cakap aku ni niat je nak jadi jahat tapi tak ada rupa. Aku ni macam baik sangat. Tapi itu je lah yang aku tak percaya.

Ada orang kata, bulan puasa ni aku lenyap, tapi ada je. Duuuuuuuuhhhhh!!! Aku manusia. Bukan syaitan. Dan sampai sekarang aku tetap keliru dengan siapa diri aku sebenarnya. Aku tak pernah ada arah hidup yang jelas. Sebab tu aku bila time nak SPM dulu, semua orang bersungguh2 dengan profile diorang sebab diorang memang dah jelas matlamat diorang. Aku masih blur. Tu yang results pun tak seberapa compared to others. Dalam seumur hidup aku, aku boleh kira berapa ramai orang yang pernah bergaduh dengan aku. Walaupun aku benci someone, aku tetap boleh bercakap, tak pun buat tak layan je sebab tak nak timbulkan pergaduhan besar. Aku gaduh pun, aku cakap sorry and leave my words to be pondered upon. Tak perlu nak persoalkan kata2 aku. Dulu, my family dah kenal aku ni macam undecided. Sikit2 entah, tak tau, suka hatilah, boleh lah, ok lah. Tapi sekarang ni dah kurang lah. Tak tau lah macam mana boleh berubah. Alhamdulilah. Tak ada lah menyusahkan orang sangat.

Aku ni kuat rasa bersalah. Kalau aku macam buat salah sikit dengan orang, tak tidur malam fikir apa nak buat. Petang tadi pun timbul masalah macam tu lagi. Aku pinjam telekung orang and entah macam mana telekung lain yang dipulangkan. Aku masih musykil sebab memang aku tak lepaskan telekung dari lepas sembahyang. Or maybe lepas sembahyang tu tinggal kejap kat tepi masa nak pakai tudung. Tak tau lah. Pening fikir. Takkan lah ada orang nak main2 tukar telekung.-.- Aku tak kisahlah ada masalah apa pun datang time2 macam ni. Aku still boleh harungi. Sebab dari dulu kat KYS, dah biasa sangat dengan multi tasking. So in one time, I can be a student, a thinker, a leader, a sister, a friend and macam2 tapi benda tu semua tak kacau pun studies. Bio and physics je yang tak score for reasons yang Vigor tau. Physics sebab aku rasa macam complicated with all the theories and applications. Bio memang otak aku tak sesuai untuk menghafal. Aku ni setakat suka mengira. Things based on pengetahuan di hujung jari. So malam nak exam tak struggle nak study. Seronoknya.

Asasi ni pun seronok sebab banyak mengira. Tu yang boleh tahan score lah except Bio, macam biasa. Tu yang aku relax gak sebenarnya. Istilah studies affected by problems ni semua karut bagi aku. Tak pernah ada istilah tu. Thanks KYS sebab ajar aku benda ni. Aku bukannya macam budak biasa yang goyang kalau ada prob. Aku ada pembahagian. Bila study, probs put aside. Bila tak study, aku fikir balik probs tu. Senang kan? Nak jadi pandai senang je. Kalau lemah, study sampai pandai. Jangan nak menggatal tambah masalah. Kalau dah pandai, wat lek je. Otak kena bagi sihat sebab badan affected by otak. Sebab tu aku sihat selalu. Alhamdulilah! Last time demam pun entah bila.

Ok. So kalau belum cukup kenal aku, jangan kata sembarangan. Nanti kawan2 lama aku yang dah jadi classmate, housemate, bedmate, roommate, dormmate, batchmate and segala2 mate yang kenal aku selama lima, enam tahun dengar pasal ni, mesti tergelak. Diorang dah kenal aku lebih dari sesiapa pun. Even tak semua benda parents aku tau pasal aku. Sebab aku tunjuk belang kat KYS and kat UiTM je. Segan2 depan diorang. Bila orang kata aku ni mempengaruhi, tak apa. Aku terima je. Aku dah tak nak kacau orang kesayangan korang lagi. Let him be what he used to be. I'm fine with that. Aku tak kisah asalkan that person be himself again. Sorry tulis tak bagi salam ke apa. Nak luah perasaan susah sikit nak buat intro baik2 ni. Macam tak sesuai. But bila dah lepas, it feels good and I'm just fine.

So actually I need kesedaran dari sesiapa yang membacanya tentang hubungan kita dengan kawan or dengan anyone pun. Tell me that you've gone through this at least once. And about myself, I have 54 people behind me. Aku belum boleh nak masukkan friends from UiTM sebab it's still too early. Ask Vigor who I was and am I still that person known as Alya Nadhirah yang banyak memberi semangat kat orang sampai orang berjaya? Or korang dapat jawapan yang aku ni dulu budak jahat yang tak berdisiplin yang selalu skip itu ini, buat salah, melawan cikgu and yada2? Eh, hello!! Aku bukan nak membangga diri tetapi aku tau yang aku ni ada comon sense nak uruskan kehidupan aku. Ok. Cukup lah tu. Now I've revealed more about myself. So just think for a while. Aku tak kata pun apa yang orang cakap kat aku tu salah, tapi kalau ikut logiknya, ada ke aku nak seksa orang kesayangan diorang sampai macam tu?? Haih....

Assalamualaikum and thank you for reading. Ambil lah berapa lama pun nak fikir pasal ni. Penat dah.

5 August 2011

Me, Myself and I

Assalamualaikum! Selamat sejahtera!

Ok. Bosan sebenarnya. I think I had 2 posts tertunggak sebab on those days which the events occurred, agak busy la. Sobs... But nevermind. Haaaaaaaaaaiiiiihhhhhhh.... So it's already the 5th day of Ramadhan! So daily routine tu still on. Okayh... For those who don't know me, do you ever wonder how do I look when telling my thoughts?? Ahaaaa!! Mestilah tak kan? Unimaginable. Tak ada lah yang akan serupa with the way I talk and doing my expressions. Serious pelik. I just wish I can make emoticons exactly like my expressions. Usually people do this.:D But mine with the eyes closed or something I just do spontaneously. Cer try lah buat! No way it'll be the same.

Actors are the greatest imitators. So they are not unique. <-- Opinion. BEL lah sangat.:D You can find thousands or millions of actors but it's hard to find a person who can make expressions of their own. Or even gaya or personality. You know what caused this? Failure. I failed to imitate. It turns out to be something DIFFERENT. Failure to be someone else makes you unique. Though trying to be like someone else is good, like role model. Ok. I almost typed mole rodel. My mind's playing around.@.@ Whatever! Ok2. Continue. Be like someone is good but too much is ain't good. You know that moment when you're with friends, you feel like besties need to have compatibilities in everything. Let's say one of them tu suka shopping barang2 branded and jenis stylo. So kita ni yang tak berapa pandai nak berstylo and tak berapa nak kaya pun terikut2 nak stylo sampai over sangat and shop until flat broke. Konon nak buat BFF yang suka berstylo padahal tak. Menyampah tu ada lah! Contoh2! Tak berkaitan dengan yang hidup atau yang telah meninggal dunia.

Somehow that situation always happen. Even if orang cakap diorang ni satu kepala, actually they talk about that one common thing yang memang naturally ada in themselves. Not everything. Tak perlu nak photostat orang lain. Original sudeh. Frankly, I always try to act like others but memang tak jadi. Biarlah perangai diri sendiri yang menjadi and makes people know you for that something you have. Like what my friends and I cakap kat Afiff, "Ohhhhh!! Ni la budak tinggi tu!! Badan tegap, sasa, besar macam giant". EKEKEKEKKEEKK!! Gurau je bro. Lu tetap Abang Long ke Ayahanda or whoever yang ada dalam movie KL Gangster yang D4 boys obses sangat tu.=_= That quote tu shows that there's something significant to that person. Normal people are people who are like other people. Geddit??

It doesn't mean you perlu market kan diri and jadi popular. It's all about you being yourself. People know you for what you have. So lama2 people will know you. Kalau yang buat perangai memanglah dikenali. Itulah manusia yang suka lihat keburukan orang lain lebih dari kebaikannya. But that depends. One is if it's the truth and another one, rumours. Somehow keburukan yang ditunjuk tu seharusnya mendapat teguran secara baik. Bukannya mengutuk belakang2. Come on! Be brave! Face to face or any ways yang boleh menyampaikan the message to them. Kalau fitnah tu, nasib badan lah kena. Biar memang biar but janganlah sampai terlalu memudharatkan diri. Again, being yourself is good. But when yourself is bad, it ain't good.

Penatlah type. Heh. But I'll tell you 10 facts about myself.

1. Pelik. But not like Maria Elena. Pelik in my own way. In KYS dulu, orang panggil spastic or freak. What to do.... My actions are somehow involuntary. I don't realize what I'm doing until everyone looks at me. Segan sangat.

2. Nakal. Tak suka jadi innocent though at times I can be very innocent. Maybe I'm trying to get rid of that innocence and fikir jadi nakal could be the best way. SO NOT!! Sebab dah biasa sangat, sampai sekarang still melekat kenakalan tu. Kacau orang memang fav. Annoy them. HEHE.

3. Annoying. Macam annoying orange? Definitely maybe? It's hard to describe this. Find it yourself.

4. Gedik?? No waaaaayyyyyyy!!! That's why I'm a bit tomboyish because tak nak dapat that label. This is my way of avoiding. What's your way?

5. Kalau gedik tak mampu, menggoda lagi lah tak mampu! If I've made anyone in love with me, seriously aku tak menggoda pun. Just being myself because I show strangers who I really am. So if they fall in love with me at the moment they see me, I don't know why is it so. Tanyalah mereka.

6. Observant. Sejarah observant in my life memang panjang. From my beloved History teacher, lil' bro and sampailah ke special person *EHEM*. I didn't really know what I was doing when my teacher tegur that I've been observing people diam2. Since then I knew that I'm good at it. But not much.

7. Happy-Go-Lucky!!! As early as morning, I've already talk so much that people are just annoyed with me. Very spirited. A day without my voice, sunyi lah sikit D4 tu. I don't know what I like to say but I keep on saying things. I like to laugh a lot. Sampai ada orang kata "I always look forward to hear your voice and tinkling laughter,". Tak tau lah what kind of entertainment I give to them. What I know is that I'm happy or just have this tendency to act so crazy! LOL.

8. I'm a very down-to-Earth person. I don't care about what brand I'm wearing, who are my friends, what do I eat, where do I eat or even wearing that same shoes or sandals. What matters is, I'm grateful with what I have. I don't have much fancy clothes, I like to eat at mamak stall and I only have 2-3 shoes and sandals. Tak kaya pun nak beli kehendak. Sekadar memenuhi keperluan. KH Form 1 ni. Hehe.

9. I'm an athlete and I got my own moves and styles. That's why I run fast and jump far. Embarrassment is not a necessary reason of not being good. Overcome it and you can do far, far better!B)

10. Loving person who just loves to share her love with the whole world! Sayang, sayang, sayang. Oh yeah! Jangan salah faham. Being lovable helps you become the queen of the people! It's not that you rule. But you're surrounded by people who just need you to complete their life!

Do you have all 10? If not, then it's good! Means you're not my clone. Freaky if you are having them!! So ok. I'm done talking. Errrrhhhh... Aaaaaaahhhhhh.... Ok. Running out of ideas. Better go and find some. Till we meet again!! T-T-F-N!! Tata for now! Thank you for reading!

Assalamualaikum and good day!!:)

2 August 2011

It's Hard to Say Goodbye

Assalamualaikum and good day!

Actually this is one sad story. I hate when I have to say goodbye to my besties. Ok. At first I thought two of my besties are leaving. And lepas tu only one.=_= Yesterday morning, with our happy faces of going through our very first day of Ramadhan, I just thought it'll be the starting of a very fine day. So we had our Maths tutorial at 9.30 a.m. I thought puasa lagi ramai yang datang awal. Ada gak yang datang lambat sikit. Including me. I was studying Maths with Afiff and Ila kat bilik aktiviti pelajar. Opppssss... Tak sengaja. Khusyuk sangat study sampai terlambat masuk kelas. Heh.

Ok. After Mr. Latif buat his Q&A session, we had quiz lak. So time tu, Najmaa and Maisarah tak ada. And Hana, Yun, Farah and I dah risau dah. "Mana Mai? Mana Mai??". Najmaa sakit. But I know Mai tu sihat walafiat. So after quiz tu Hana called Mai.

"Mai! Kau kau kat mana?"
"Kat rumah?" Dengan nada yang amat relax.
Semacam je budak ni, relax je tak pergi kelas. Then masuk kelas CTU. Tiba2 Mai masuk and as if in a rush. Dia bagi kitorang lab report Bio last week and said, "I won't be here. See you guys this weekends!". *JAWDROP* Whaaaaatttttt?? She's leaving?? Without telling us first? Since then, four of us kept on wondering, kenapa Mai buat macam tu... Sedihnya. It's too sudden!! Mai!!!!!!!!!! Huhu.:'( And before lecture Bio, she sent a text saying that something2, she'll come back on this weekends. Kirim salam kat semua orang. Dah tak berlima dah kami.:/

No more granola bars, no more pinjam iPod, no more... Haih... Itu cerita siang. Petang last class, Afiff lak yang tak ada dalam class. So malam after Tarawikh, tanya dia, "Bro, mana bro?". Tiba2 dia cakap, "Jaga diri baik2 eh.". Dia ni apahal lak... Janganlah kata he's leaving too!! "Weyh, kau pun nak blah ke? Cakap lah betul2!". Sambil text ni, tengah termenung tengok page FB Mai. Afiff replied, "Tenang je. Apa2 pun kau ingat lah aku as kawan kau. Ok?". Ok. Ternangis lak tiba2. Two people are leaving me sekali gus. What's worse than that? Sumpah dah nangis ni. Jahatnya korang buat aku nangis. Huuuuuuuuuu~~ :'(

Then I said "Janganlah tipu aku!!". Barulah Afiff cakap, "Aku ada lagi la weyh. Sape nak protect korang nanti!". Haihhhh... Memang nak kena belasah la ni buat gua nangis!! Tak macho lerrr...=_= Lepas tu suruh aku call dia lak. Tanya aku pasal orang lain macam lah tak jumpa setahun. Padahal pagi tu time class baru jumpa. Grrrrrrrrr....... Dah lah!! Tak nak kawan. Kawan pun buat diri ini sedih bila terjadinya perpisahan. Lagi2 secara mengejut. I'm not ready for any of these. WAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!

So friends!! Don't do this to me!! Don't leave me without giving a proper goodbye!! You know it hurts. Give us some time to spend some precious time with you, take a lot of photos and hear something from you to keep us strong so that we can move on without you. Maiiiiii!!! You're such a meanieeeeeee!! Huuuuuu.... And maybe this weekends I won't be here because I think I'm going back. So wherever you go, good luck! I know you'll do well. Janganlah blur sangat. Hehe. D4 loves you and me too!!:) Thank you for the 3 months of craziness and I'll remember this person as orang pertama D4 yang saya kenali. Tangga kejayaan on 31st May 2011, second day of lecture. I was lost and you were there. Actually I haven't really recognized your face. Still confused but you recognized me and tegur. Hehe. Though 1st day dah jumpa but still tak kenal everyone. And then five of us become besties. I'm sorry I don't have photos of us together. Hana and Yun je ada. So kalau2 kitorang rindu, we'll just look through photos dalam phone diorang. All crazy ones.;)

Thank you for reading...

Assalamualaikum and have a nice day.:)

28 July 2011

25 July 2011


Cepatlah masa berlalu.

Habis belajar.

Bertunang and sambung belajar.

Or kahwin and sambung belajar.

Or sambung belajar, bertunang and kahwin.

Bilalah aku boleh berkhidmat sebagai seorang pensyarah Matematik?

Ok. Random.

Tapi aku dah bercita-cita begitu.

Aku tetap dengan perancanganku.

Matematik dan diriku tak dapat dipisah.

Jangan kata aku sudah tersalah pilihan sekarang.

Sesungguhnya Allah telah tetapkan perjalanan hidup kita.

Kita hanya mampu merancang.

Ada hikmah di sebalik sesuatu yang berlaku.

Aku terima dengan redha.

Sekarang aku tinggal laksanakan apa yang perlu.

Belajar, buat persiapan diri, menjaga hati dan terus berdoa. Itu sahaja.

Dengan empat perkara ini, InsyaAllah segala impian akan tercapai.

Sebelum aku melalut lebih panjang, baik aku berundur diri.

Assalamualaikum and thank you for reading.:)

21 July 2011

Luahan Seorang Wanita

Assalamualaikum... Apa khabar?!:)

Ini ada satu kisah ingin dikongsi. Walaupun saya belum berumahtangga, tetapi ini sekadar untuk renungan. Especially men, fahamilah sikap wanita yang kuat cemburu. Itulah lumrah bercinta, adakalanya, hati kita akan disakiti. Meh2!


Benar, wanita ini kuat cemburu. Heheh. Biasalahlah... Hati perempuan ni sensitive. So boys, do take care of your girl's heart.;) Thank you for reading!

Assalamualaikum, daaaaaaaa~~

20 July 2011

Her Diamonds ;)

Assalamualaikum, selamat sejahtera everyone!

Let's have a little flashback. It was BEL class. Miss Diane taught us about listening skills for a few classes. And so ada this one day, she brought her speaker and gave out a piece of paper for each person, written with lyrics of a song. But there were blanks. We didn't know what song it was. So macam biasa lah before we sing, we made guesses how it sounds like. Everyone bantai the melody. Rap la, alun2 la. Then Miss Diane played the song and we had to fill in the blanks. Bila dengar the lyrics, it was sad that I almost cried. Because I understood the lyrics. Imagine, that was before I knew the story behind it. So let me give you the same experience like what I had. Listen to this first.:)

Oh what the hell she says
I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down

Man there's so many times
I don't know what I'm doin'
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon, she rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night can make you blind
I can just imagine

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says ooh I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down, way down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon, she rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
But don't let her see

And she says ooh, I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
Then she'll be alright, she'll be alright
Just not tonight

And she says ooh, I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling

Ooh, I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
But her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

I can't take no more
Diamonds on the floor
No more, no more, no more
Diamonds falling down

I can't take no more
Diamonds on the floor
No more, no more, no more
Diamonds falling down

I can't take no more
Diamonds on the floor
(No more, no more)
Her diamonds falling, all her diamonds
Diamonds falling down

I can't take these diamonds falling down

Haaaaaaa... Okay! Best tak? Best tak??!! The title is "Her Diamonds". So what do you think about this song? What is it all about? So begini cerita dia like what Miss Diane told us. Rob Thomas wrote this song for his wife and mother. At that moment both of them were sick. I don't know sakit apa. So he's feeling useless, feeling guilty because he can't do anything. He could only watch. And cry. Macam dalam lyrics kan?

Conclusionnya, buat lah lagu untuk orang yang sakit. So not!! Silap2 orang tu mati terus. Hahah. Just be at your loved ones' side when they're sick or in bad times. Understand them. Don't give unnecessary pressure until they become even more down. Walaupun dia kata macam lantak pi lah, but it doesn't mean you have to leave them menanggung kesusahan sorang2. Just that, give them some space. If I was him, memang aku pun kesedihan. Siapa sanggup tengok orang yang kita sayang sakit or disakiti? It does hurt myself too. I just berdoa that all my loved ones will always be fine. Because I might be like Rob Thomas. Feeling useless and not able to help. Hanya doa sahaja yang mampu diberikan. Thank you for reading.:)

Assalamualaikum and goodnight, goodnight!:)

This is How We are!:)

This is how we are. Both love to listen to music. For the lyrics. Not the melody. And I get to listen you sing for me before I go to sleep. You're so sweet! And I just imagine we're in this. Yeah. So you just say, make me your radio.:))) But you'll always say, "You want me to sing, you be my wife!". Dapat gak to listen for free.:p Thank you for your singing. I looiiiikkkeee!!;)

19 July 2011

Stressed Out!!!


PHYSICS. I did the assignment since morning. Ok. Yeah. Dah cukup pening dah buat. And everyone's busy doing it. But nobody perasan yang dateline dia semalam. SO HOWWWWWWWW?????? DAH LAH BANYAK!! Kitorang buat pun slow. Punya lah cuak!! Rasa nak nangis dah. Markah ku terbang... Huuuuuu.....

Then Miss Puteri muncul di wall group D4Flat. There's a new official assignment. Due date: 24th July 2011. Rushingnya... Yang we did before was only for practice. Damnnnnnnnnnn.......................... Rasa nak pecahkan PC ni je sebab gembira + geram!!! Why didn't you told us sooooooooo!!! So much of worrying on that "practices" you have given!! Hahahahh. Mood tak stabil ni.:p Ok. Nak rest dah sekarang. Otakku sakit dah. Huuuuuuu..... I need my remedy...:'O

How I Learn about Love?

Assalamualaikum and good day!

Day lah sangat kan. Oh well... This post is something yang macam berbunga sikit. So if tak tahan dengan bunga2 ni, tak perlulah baca.:D Why lah kan suddenly I talk about this. Actually, I really love to watch Marimar and yesterday was the final episode. So sad!!:O At first I didn't follow the drama. But ada this one time I was so bored that I watched. Jarang2 lah nak tengok tv kat rumah ni. So after that one episode ended, I felt like watching it from the start.

So, episode 1. Belum berapa best but it ended with Marimar's life when she was separated from her parents and lost her memory. Suspense! I wanted to watch more. I really2 love that moment bila Marimar met Sergio. I imagined myself. Young and foolish. Didn't know how to hide my feelings when I was starstrucked! I just thought I have kept those feelings so deep inside but actually it was obvious and I thought that guy will never know what I felt. I don't know. I just feel like cerita Marimar is so different from any other love stories. Macam real lah how they acted it out. But in real life, the hero and heroin memang lovers and cinta berputik from that story. Comel kan??

The story was quite similar to what I am experiencing now. Happy, sad and happy again. Let me summarize this. So Marimar ni at first, fell in love with Sergio because he's charming. So was I. Hahah! Marimar is pretty!! Why he didn't like her too!! Urrrggghhh!! So Sergio didn't love Marimar. But wanted to marry her just because tercabar dengan his dad. Though he didn't love Marimar, but dia layan Marimar as if dia sayang sangat kat Marimar. Dia sanggup do anything for her as long as she's happy but without his love. Poor Marimar tak pernah tau that her marriage was fake and Sergio didn't love her. So was I. Allah sahaja tau what I felt when I knew about it. I thought I was "loved" but actually dikaburi dengan his charming acts.

But disebabkan Marimar ni give all her love for Sergio, lama2 Sergio pun sayang Marimar. There was this moment when they were stucked on an island nak honeymoon. Diorang gaduh, dua2 tak nak mengalah, pantang dicabar, nak survive on the island. But Marimar menang lah because dia memang biasa dengan island life. Then Sergio sakit, demam. Marimar at first try to tak layan but then rasa bersalah when Sergio betul2 sakit. And she took care of him. At that moment, barulah Sergio sedar that that girl loves him so much tapi cinta tak berbalas. Disebabkan rasa bersalah of biarkan Marimar bertepuk sebelah tangan, he tried to love her with all his heart. So was I.

Kalau ikutkan hati, I can be very furious like how Marimar was. And I've already shown it a bit. Terlalu banyak niat untuk tinggalkan this complicated relationship, because my heart was really broken into pieces. So I tried to ignore him and just forget whatever happened. Like how Marimar was embarrassed with what people had done to her, so was I. I was embarrassed of whatever stupid things I did in front of him. Macam orang bodoh syok sendiri. But end up loving each other despite the hardships they have gone through.

In that story, disebabkan Sergio ni charming and handsome, many girls sangkut dengan dia and tried to get his attention including his ex and his own friends. Mine's like that too. Charming until ramai sangat orang sangkut. Siapa tak risau?? That's why I can be very jealous and felt that tak mampu to keep him for a long time. Ada masanya dia gurau, kata he can just leave me. But he already said that he's trying to give his loyalty. Indeed he's charming and I could melt every single day.:) I was thinking, Marimar lawa tapi tak ada pun ramai lelaki terkejar-kejar kan dia? Only for her wealth. Tamak!

Basically, way before both of us knew each other, I learned a lot from that drama. Dah fikir dah, kalau macam ni nak buat apa, macam tu nak buat apa. Last2 memang I jump into that situation. I admit I'm not that romantic. I don't know how to make a guy melts like ice. I can never really do well whatever I have planned. If I did, it was sincere from my heart. I can't hide my feelings. All I know is to love that one person. The person that has my heart in his hands. Handle with care because it's fragile.;)

I realize that when both are so loyal and have so many in commons, it might help you to stay in a relationship longer. Especially in communicating each other. As for me, both of us memang talkative, hyper and kuat bergurau senda. Entahlah. Memang I never get bored. Everyday ada je topic yang nak dikatakan. Bila bercakap tu memang susah nak stop. Hahah! I just have a strong feeling that this will be a long journey. Itu semua usaha sendiri and takdir. Takdir yang menentukan. But just go with the flow. Stay positive.

If you're sincere enough, things will come naturally. No scripts, no practices. All from the heart. The heart that controls your act when you're just too in love. That's why kadang2 boleh terkeluar words that can make your loved one mesmerized. And bila dah tercakap, kita sendiri terkejut with what we did. As if those things are involuntary acts. I admit I never have a relationship like this. Very relax, not having pressure of promises and oaths, not too obsessive where we think we fully own our partner that we can't even let him or her go and full of understanding.

Guys, just be sweet to your girls. That's the only thing they want. Your attention. Tak tau lah if ada those yang kejar for your money and popularity. Show that you give attention to her. Remember important events like tests or competitions, wish them luck! Girls love guys yang ingat what she'll be having. Tak perlu nak ulang banyak kali and lupa lagi macam orang nyanyok. Kalau macam tu baik aku cakap dengan nenek aku. Lagi bagus! Oh yeah! And be a guy who's full of surprises. It won't make your love life boring. Girls like fun guys. So if you can entertain them, then you're fun enough! Kot. So far I'm having things under control. So we're doing good! Nak tau ke siapa dia ni? Ahaks! Keep it a mystery.;)

Again, melalut sangat dah ni. I'm deeply in love? Not really. Not that deep because it doesn't hurt much yet. How I learn about love and some tips to win her heart and take good care of it. Enough?? Ok. Tak perlu lah nak ego sangat if you can't accept this fact. Then go suffer in love with your wrong ways. You're suffering and the other one's suffering too. So kalau macam tu, better break up and get a life. A happier life. Make your choice. Tak semestinya having a partner makes your life happy. It depends on how you handle it. Choose wisely or you suffer. Oh, you! If you're reading this, this is part of what I said - write about you. Not obvious enough...:S Good then! And sorry if it gives a bit sad emotion because you know I was sad. Heheh.

One more thing, I remember what my Ustaz time SPM dulu, Ustaz Damin said. Jodoh tu tak semestinya seseorang yang kita perlu tunggu nak datang kat kita. Bukannya seseorang yang dah memang dah tetap untuk kita. Maksudnya bukan that particular person tu yang harus kita cari dalam hidup kita. It can be anyone. Walaupun sebenarnya jodoh tu dah diketahui. Sebab Allah membenarkan hamba-Nya mengusahakannya sendiri. Katakanlah dah tertulis jodoh kita dengan A, tapi kita tengah bercinta dengan orang B. And kita sangka orang B tu jodoh kita. Kan?? Nanti tiba2 boleh break up dengan orang B and bersama pula dengan orang A and kekal bahagia. Hahah! Kita boleh cari jodoh tu dengan cara niat dalam hati. Contohnya, kalau lelaki ada nampak perempuan yang dia minat, at that time, just niat, kalau perempuan ni pandang aku, maknanya dia jodoh aku. Kalau orang sekadar terpandang tu janganlah perasan lak. Ini apa yang Ustaz saya katakan. So it's up to you to believe or not. Saya sekadar menyampaikan.

Or you may have a look here. http://www.iluvislam.com/keluarga/perkahwinan/1726-jodoh-mencari-atau-menunggu.html

Thank you for reading this!:)

Assalamualaikum and have a nice day.:)

18 July 2011

Sympathy is the Word

Assalamualaikum and good day everyone!

I'm a bit in a sympathy mood. You know why? Ok. So let me start from the beginning. Disebabkan my parents and I were exhausted last night balik quite late from this one jamuan. And nenek ada di rumah sebab my aunt's currently busy dengan husband dia yang sakit. So kami lah yang jaga dia. My grandma ni pun sakit. Stroke. Can't walk but boleh gerak dalam posisi duduk and push herself forward. Is there any term for that? Urrrgggghhhh.... I'm not good at language.=_= That's why she needs care from us. Mandikan, bagi makan, pakaikan pampers and yada yada... It's difficult nak uruskan dia when it comes to mandi time. Otherwise, she just sits or lie down, not being able to do much.

So, what about today? This morning since everyone was exhausted, we woke up late at 6.30 am. Ayah and ibu were rushing to get themselves ready to work. And I'm all alone with nenek. As I woke up, I saw nenek heading to the toilet, rushing too to mandi before my parents went out. If not she'll be left unmanaged. Takkan nak harap aku terkontang kanting uruskan dia sorang2?? However it ended up like that because my parents were late for work.


When my parents went out, my grandma was having her bath. Before they left, diorang ada pesan to do this and that. And at that moment, I was feeling a bit dizzy because slept late. Hekhek. Kalau ikutkan hati, tak laratnya nak menguruskan nenek aku tu. But when I saw her done bathing and waiting for someone to uruskan dia, I felt sad, sympathy. Those feelings did overcome kepenatan yang dirasai dalam diri. So I quickly grab her clean clothes and towel. Aku yang tak berapa kuat ni, guna segala kudrat yang ada nak angkat dia naik ke tempat lebih tinggi. You know, in a house you have floor yang ada naik sikit by one or two steps. Ahah. Like that la. So hard to explain.:S Ok. Then lapkan badan dia pakaikan bedak, pakaikan baju dia and she moved all by herself back to her resting place.

Bila fikir mandi dah selesai, bilik air belum kemas, tempat tidur dia belum kemas, breakfast tak ada. Pening2. Fikir2, kalau buat breakfast, nanti nenek dah sampai kat tempat tidur dia, belum dikemas. Nanti bila kemas2, dia dah sampai, lapar lak dia. Because my grandma always tell me she feels hungry sampai menggeletar. Cuak lak kalau pape jadi! Memang aku berlari-lari kelam kabut. At least like normal mornings, my parents settle her together. Now I'm all alone. Hah! Ingat senang ke nak jaga orang sakit. Now I feel what my parents always feel. Tu baru tanggungan nenek. Bayangkan kalau ada anak kecik2 lagi, pagi2 sibuk nak g sekolah. Bayangkan orang tu ayah or ibu tunggal. Pening gak eh... Nasib baiklah aku dah besar. Tak perlu nak fikir apa dah. Sendiri urus.

Settlekan breakfast, buat air dulu. Ayah said he'll buy breakfast. Ok. But then gula habis, entah ibu simpan mana. Tercari-cari. Tangguh kejap. Then kemas tempat dia. Right on time! Then nenek nak naik to a higher place. So, angkat dia lagi. Memang keluar lah muscles2 ni. Heheheh! So now, sesi menggeledah kabinet! Gula....!!! Found it! Air done. Usually after nenek mandi, nak kena pakaikan dia pampers. So pakaikanlah. And dia cakap, terima kasih dengan nada yang amat berterima kasih. I just smile and say, sama2. Apa lagi yang aku boleh buatkan untuk dia sementara dia masih hidup ni, kalau tak jaga dia dengan sebaiknya.:) Then dia kata lapar sampai menggeletar. Nak nasi. I was like. Don't freak me out. Jangan pengsan dulu!! Fine!! Luckily nasi dah ada. Lauk tak ada. As usual, dia suka makan ayam, gorengkan lah drumet Ayamas tu.

Before goreng tu, I fed my neighbour's cats. Dah bising sangat mintak2 makan. So bagilah makan. Bagi makan Friskies. Tapi bila bau ayam, bising2 mintak ayam. Demanding betul lah kucing ni!! Pastu kucing tak nak mengalah. Pergi manja2 dengan kita lak dengan harapan dapat ayam yang sedap tu. I said, NO WAY!! Ayam siap, bagi nenek makan. Then nenek tanya, "Cakap dengan sape tadi??". Errrhhh... "Kucing."=_= So sementara tunggu nenek siap makan, I cleaned up the bathroom. Buang pampers nenek yang dah guna, bersihkan lantai... And basuh baju yang bertimbun. Dah selesai kerja. Layan lah kucing2 ni jap. Dah hilang ngantok.

That's my morning today and might happen again if terlajak lagi pagi2. Here, I'm not trying to tell my routine. I'm trying to tell my experience jaga orang tua ni. Untunglah nenek aku sebab masih ada yang sayang and take care of her. Unlike zaman sekarang yang dah makin berlambak Si Tenggang. Tell me why do they neglect their parents when they're old? Nak kata menyusahkan orang yang jaga? For me, tidak sama sekali! When you're sincere in whatever you do, you don't even feel the exhaustion, pain. Instead, you feel the joy and happiness of doing something to benefit others. Lagi2 for our loved ones. Such a pain to see them suffer, seeing them struggling to do what they are not capable of. Rasa nak angkat, rasa nak... Do anything for them lah!

Why do some people don't realize that their parents suffer so much and send them to rumah orang tua atas alasan susah nak jaga sendiri? Maybe if they let anyone else to take care for their parents while they're working is still fine. But ada yang melampau sangat tak jenguk langsung! A bit emotional lak. Sorry... I can easily read people's expressions. So bila tengok nenek, I can see pain. And I give her my sympathy. Where do those people put their sympathies? Sebab diorang tak pernah nak pandang their parents' faces la jadi macam tu kan? You know that when you can see pain, you feel like crying, thinking what they are going through. Pain makes you have a heart for others. Pain makes you learn to love others.

Ingatlah, when we were babies, we were not capable of doing everything like walking or talking. You were trying to say something to the people around you but they don't understand you. But you have your mother who understands you the most through your actions. When you're in pain, you cry and you have your mother to calm you down. When we were babies, we were giving so much trouble to our parents. But they never complained. They give you more love instead. So why not we do the same thing to our parents when they're old? My story is only to show that if I can do it all by myself, why not those yang adik beradik ramai can't even take care of their parents when they're old and sick?

Tak perlu nak berkira kemampuan harta just because we have to spend so much on our parents' welfare. Think about it. When we were young, our parents have spent so much on us. So a little spending doesn't hurt much. Right? And if possible, start to be independent from now. Don't ask so much money from our parents when you wanna use it for joli2 sakan. They have worked hard for every Ringgit. So don't waste it. As for me, I have my own savings. So kalau nak joli2 sakan, I use my own money. If my parents give me money, I use it for food and university expenses. When your parents give you money, look into their faces. Do they smile or macam nak tak nak bagi je? My mum always give me that look. That look yang.... There goes my money!! And I hope she uses it wisely. So I was like, ok. I just take it and never ask for more. Even if they ask ada duit lagi tak, I just say ada if dah habis pun. Because I know I have my own savings. Which I have earned so hard. Just like how my parents earn their money. Rugi lah kan dah penat2 usahakan duit tu pastu habis macam tu je.

So, ok. I just make my topic today merangkumi sympathy for parents and old people. Susah nak stop if I have so many ideas. My bad for the long loooooonnngggg entry. It's just something to ponder upon. Things like this can make us beringat sentiasa supaya tak terpesong jauh dari jalan yang benar. InsyaAllah kita akan sentiasa jadi manusia yang berguna di muka Bumi ini. Bukan jadi sampah masyarakat. Thank you for reading!:)

Assalamualaikum and daaaaaaa~~

14 July 2011

Listen to this!

Assalamualaikum and good day Earthlings!

I just want to apologize for not updating my blog for quite some time because I'm busy with tests and works. Running out of ideas too. But still thinking what to tell the world. Trying to have some flashbacks, observing people around here (not stalking) and finding something good to ponder on. So, next week I'll be quite free and have some time to get ideas and write my thoughts and experience. MID-SEM BREAK!!! WOOHOOOO!!! In!! Out!! In!! Out!! Haaaaahhhh... Relieved! It's Thursday already. Jom puasa! Tomorrow's Friday and Saturday comes afterwards. LAME REBECCA BLACK! Hehe. Till we meet again. Adios!:)

5 July 2011

Not all girls are the same. I am different.

Assalamualaikum and hello!:)

Girls. People may say that girls are all the same. I don't think so. Me myself a girl but at times I don't really like what other girls do. Boys may define girls as "gedik". Think again. Am I like that? Ahaks! So perasan. If I'm like that, what about girls that are even more "gedik" than me? I think I'm neutral. Neutral in a way saya tidak memihak kepada lelaki atau perempuan walaupun perlu mempertahankan kaum sendiri. Faham maksud saya?

Tidak? Baiklah. Girls. Who doesn't like to be a girl? Bak kata Ustazah Idha, perempuan senang sangat nak masuk syurga, tapi lagi senang nak masuk neraka. At that moment, bila dengar, rasa cuak lah gak. Apa yang perlu dilakukan memanglah senang. Obey Allah, parents, husband, puasa, solat cukup, tutup aurat and etc. Tapi nak jaga amatlah sukar. Even orang yang amat kuat imannya pun boleh tersilap, apatah lagi kita yang masih goyah? Bersikap lembut tapi tak semestinya lemah. Malah perempuan ni amatlah dilindungi. Untung kan? Ada ke perempuan yang melindungi lelaki? Gangster kot perempuan tu. Laki dia wimp.=_=

As for me, Alhamdulilah dilahirkan sebagai seorang perempuan. I always believe in one thing. Girls are all pretty. Allah dah ciptakan semua makhluk-Nya cantik2. So tak perlulah pandang cermin and cakap muka buruk. Instead, say Alhamdulilah! Nak humble tu humble lah gak but tak perlulah until we have low self-esteem. Nak tunjuk muka pun malu sebab kata buruk sangat. Nonsense! Percaya kan even if a girl is not that pretty but she can always be pretty. Tak perlulah secara luaran. Dalaman pun dah cukup. Even when I myself see a girl yang baik sangat perangainya, I'll say she's beautiful. I do envy those people. Trying to be one. Still in the making. Dah lah sopan santun, lemah lembut, senyum setiap masa, perangai pun buat perangai 100% perempuan. Unlike me, I admit I don't behave at times. Yelaa... Ejek orang, kutuk orang, mengumpat, cakap merepek. But cakap merepek is on top of my list. Yang others tu ikut mood lah. Masya-Allah. Tak baiknya aku ni...

But that's the furthest I can go I guess. Alhamdulilah tak ada lah kritikal sangat aku ni, though dulu zaman sekolah rendah, aku ni amatlah tomboy. Kisah benar ni! Rambut potong pendek, pakai seluar pendek, kawan dengan lelaki. Mujurlah itu zaman sebelum baligh kot. Kanak-kanak memang lah berakal pendek. Semua yang dibuat atas dasar pengaruh dan keseronokan pada mereka. Bila dah masuk zaman remaja, it's normal to see changes in ourselves. Aku sendiri pun mula berubah sedikit demi sedikit menjadi lebih feminine. But still not fully changed. I didn't have good fashion sense, tak suka pakai kain and fancy2 clothes. I only liked plain clothings. Not much corak yang melambangkan feminine. Tak reti pakai make up, perangai masih kelakian sedikit. Other factors, maybe because I have an elder brother. So much boy influence from him. And maybe sebab tak banyak pendedahan about outside world. 5 tahun duduk terperuk dalam hutan.

Sebab aku jadi feminine ni pun sebab I had crush on boys. Biasa lah kan. Bila nak give impression to people we like, of course nak jaga everything and tak nak malukan diri. Ahahahhahah! Malunya zaman dulu-dulu...:p Unlike other girls, diorang memang dah cukup feminine. Of course lah boys prefer them. Kalau nak dengan aku, mesti diorang rasa amat gay. Sedihnya kalau orang rasa sebegitu kat aku dulu. Mungkin ada. Memang aku dulu dicop perangai macam laki. By Form 5, I think I've almost changed entirely. Dah pandailah sikit berfashion. Adalah kan terfikir bila my mum said, "Awak ni dah besar. Pakailah kemas2, lawa2". After that, terfikir how my mum felt actually. I'm her only daughter. My mum jenis yang melaram. Tiba2 her daughter... Ibarat laki. Awwwwhhhh.... A big disappointment to her perhaps. Kesian la kat dia. At least I've to make her proud. Bukan buat orang katakan yang tak baik kat aku.

You know that moment when my mum and I getting ready to go somewhere, pakai tudung together in front of the mirror and she always betulkan my tudung, and she'll say, "Kan lawa anak ibu...". I knew she was happy. Bila hati dah betul2 terbuka to accept life as a girl, I learned a lot from her. And now I don't have to take a long time to make decisions on what to wear, what clothes that I want to buy. But cara bertudung, tak ada nak ikut sangat fashion yang pelbagai zaman sekarang ni. Fancy sangat bagiku. Ikut my mum's style sudeh...

I really want a collection of this one thing. So this one thing, I started to minat masa Form 5 dulu. My bedmate, Sharifah Zahirah Idid has a lot of jubah Mekah. And bila tengok dia pakai, aaaaahhhhhhh.... SO PRETTY! I WANT ONE!! Jealous sangat! Dah lah got a chance to do Umrah. Then balik sini with macam2! Not only her jubah Mekah. But she brought along something that I called a soul of a true Muslimah. I remember she always bring this small green tafsir al-Quran, English version to class and read whenever there was free time. Untunglah ada bedmate macam dia. Aman sangat hidup. Malah I learned a lot from her.:) Ok. So that one thing is jubah Mekah. I have one. And I want more!! Pernah lah gak menyatakan hasrat untuk memakai purdah kat dia. I think kat luar dia pakai. And I'm currently waiting for my time to come. Insya-Allah.:)

So that was basically how I was before. Not truly a girl. But now, 90% kot. Hehe... I should say what I've gone through has made me become so different from others. Until now, I still have the same inside. Ego tinggi macam laki, kuat pendam perasaan, susah nak tunjuk emosi macam perempuan, tak mudah mengalah, tak terlalu ambil kisah. Generally macam ni. Tak tau lah kalau dengan certain people perangai tu lain. Tak perlulah untuk semua orang merasakan sentuhan hati yang lembut ni. Geli lak cakap macam ni. Tak macho ler... Okay2. Certain2 orang sahaja ok? Limited edition.;) Nanti kalau bagi semua laki rasa, dah jadi macam magnet. Menarik perhatian. Hahahahhah. Gurau ok? Gurau. Takkan jadi macam tu.

Begini caranya pun masih digelar perempuan. Tak perlu jadi perempuan2 yang typical iaitu perempuan yang terlalu gemar dengan fashion zaman sekarang, bertudung tapi masih terbuka sana sini, pakai londeh2, suka snap photos dengan gaya yang menggelikan, gelak ibarat pontianak, jerit2 ibarat kena rasuk, jalan goyang sana goyang sini.(Aku jalan macam spring. Coach aku cakap la. Ok kan?;p) Freaky ok??? Tak teringin nak jadi macam tu! Kalau aku dah rasa macam tu, apa lagi lelaki. Malah aku dah dengar pun apa lelaki rasa about that. Maybe ada perempuan yang tak boleh terima kenyataan ni and menuduh kitorang yang gedik sebab dengar cakap lelaki tapi memang dah betul. Sebaik-baiknya kita cubalah ubah kalau rasa2 dah memang silap. Tak perlu nak mempertahankan apa yang salah. I'm imperfect too but always try to be better.

Akhir kata, walau apa pun perangai seorang perempuan tu, biarlah yang baik2 yang dipamerkan. Perlu ke nak jadi perempuan yang paling cantik dalam dunia ni sampai jadi perhatian semua orang? Tak jealous ok? Sekadar berkata.:) Cantik dalaman, pasti cantik luaran. Sejuk mata memandang. And don't matter what we were used to be, people can change themselves to have a better life. Like how I was, tak perlu lihat zaman silam kerana sekarang dah lain. Lain sangat dari dulu. Macam syllabus sesuatu subjek, zaman sekarang memang tak boleh guna syllabus zaman dulu sebab dah berbeza isinya. Begitulah manusia. And apa perlu dilakukan? Kita terima je apa yang dah disediakan untuk kita seperti syllabus tu. Takkan masih nak guna yang zaman dulu punya syllabus kan? Logic la kan? Girls, watch out! Life's getting even harder for you now. Do what's right and you'll be safe.

Thank you and Assalamualaikum.:)

26 June 2011

Life in UiTM Puncak Alam So Far...

Assalamualikum W.B.T and hello everyone!

Okay. So far hidup agak happy. Not bad lah here. So I feel like telling what happened during this first month being a freshie. Buat list lah macam ni. Saya memang suka buat list.:)

Minggu Destini Siswa (MDS)
To be frank lah, I've been through something similar to MDS. But yeah, still enjoying it. Oh well, at my previous school, KYS, ada this selection process for the future Form Ones. So when I went for selection memang similar lah to this. Do those cute2 stuff, show hidden talents, had inter group fights, tour, take photos and facilitators yang memang superb! That was 2005. Then 2008 and 2009 I was selected to be a faci. Excited sangat lah because I got to meet my future juniors, teach them how things are going there, jadi FOFULAR. But poplar was not the reason why I became a faci. All I wanted was to choose the best people to be my juniors. Not some spoilt brats. And one more important thing was to inspire those kids so that they can see their future. I'm not a good motivator but I don't know. People are inspired by my words. Itu semua datangnya dari Allah. So what I want to say is I was in the Pemimpin Mahasiswa (PM's) shoes. Memang kurang tidur, kurang makan, tired, pissed off. All because of us. I don't understand why people can't understand that. Enough with my experience!! Hehe...

 I made this tag for 2010 Selection. I'm proud with myself!:D

Okay. So MDS ni memang a culture shock for me. Culture shock of being in a group of thousands of people. Memang selalu gak lah pening time MDS. Almaklum lah, sekolah dulu had around 300 people je. 1 batch around 60 people. So memang speechless lah tengok orang seramai ni. Gila kentang. First day, settle the registration form. Second day, still termenung tengok tag colour merah yang bertulis M9. Dalam hati, " Apo bondo ni???". Sampailah, time tu PM yang announce group by group keluar ikut number on tag tu. So bila tibanya M9 ni, ada lah seorang abang pendek ni yang bawa kami turun ke registration. If you're reading this, jangan marah.;p While waiting for registration, M9 pun berkenalan lah dengan PM diorang ni. Baru tau nama dia Abang Bash. As a very professional person (cheyy...), I was interested in his true self. I'm observant. So I really do learn a lot about people. Then, I felt like he has this kind of sense of humour but still, he's a good person. Unlike most people yang sense of humour kasaq and orangnya pun bersikap kasaq. Tu jelah about him. Oh yeah! I was a bit uncomfortable time buat group activities because I was surrounded by girls yang cair dek personality Abang Bash ni. To be honest, ada this one time I bermonolog dalaman, pandang kanan kiri sambil berkata, "What's wrong with you people??? Dia pun manusia macam kitorang. What's so special about him??? Aku lagi special (rasa macam bergurau)." Cheh. Berlagak sungguh diriku. Ego dengan Abang Bash sebenarnya. Hahahah. Gila. Bukannya dia tau pun kalau aku rasa begitu. Tak apa. If he knows this he won't take it seriously. Dah tau pun kot.:p

Time MDS, I macam tak rela kan hati lagi dgn UiTM and just took MDS moderately. Most people were like, "BESTNYA MDS!", "RINDU MDS!". I was like, WHAT??? (mulut nganga). Third day, fourth day, fifth day, sixth day, seventh day. Talks and other activities. Tu je. Maybe I did look berlagak from what I've written. But actually I wasn't berlagak at all. It was part of my attempt to make myself comfortable with that place, by saying, "You've been through this, you'll be fine Alya. Just a bit of mindset. Kau budak KYS. You're strong enough to go through this crap!". Oppppsssss!! Being very honest here. *Wink2*;) So I did survive until the final day of MDS. And went back home!! The end of MDS was the start of something new. It was a significant day for both of us. Leading to somewhere only we know.:) End of MDS!

Week One!
30th May 2011. My very first day of lecture but I had to come late for some reasons. I arrived palam from home at about 4.00 pm. I left my bag at my room, performed Asar prayer and rushed to my last class at 5.00 pm. So I entered the class with that blur face of mine. That's what my friends said. Masuk2 class, I just kenal2 with my friends. I had an intention of not telling from what school I was. Memang kena bahan if I did. Next day ada class apa entah, I just told where I came from when introducing myself to the lecturer. The boys from various SBPs were like WOOOOAAAHHHHH!! And since then kena bahan je. I was bullied!! Seriously!! Mana nak tahan if I have to go through those things everyday!! Memang selalu kena dengan this one tall guy bernama Afiff. He came from SASER and he was anti with my school. Tu jelah about week one. Oh yeah. And something bad happened to a friend of mine after paying a visit to palam. Thanks for the call. Informative indeed.:) Talking about budget, I did my own budget sheet to calculate how much money to spend on food, books and etc. So saya pun mengumumkan bajet tahunan - cut cost on food! Oatkrunch n nescafe for breakfast, lunch at cafe and dinner maggi or roti. Almaklum lah, saya banyak guna duit sendiri for expenditures. Habis duit gaji aku yang aku save nak beli ipod idaman ku. Huuuuu~~ Tak apa lah. Janji tak menyusahkan parents.:)

Week Two!!
Everyday kena bahan. But thanks to Mai, Hana, Farah and Yun for supporting me all the way babes!! Without you guys, memang aku tak nak hidup lagi kat palam. Hahahah! But at this moment, Afiff dah kurang sikit bahan. And finally memang he gave up bullying me. He asked to study with me instead. Since then jadi studymate. So Afiff ni is more observant than me. So dia nampak la kebaikan dalam diriku ni. Bertambahlah orang yang backup aku. Towards weekends, memang I couldn't take it anymore! Memang merajuk dengan those bullies. A bit depressed. A bit of personality change. Alya was gone for a while. And they missed it. Ada la orang datang pujuk, mintak ampun dan maaf... Tapi pending la keampunan tu buat seketika. Namun ku sedar, Allah itu Maha Pengampun, mengapa kita tidak boleh? Aku maafkan jelah diorang ni. Oh2! Studies are getting even more complicated, difficult and all tahap dewa. Giloshhh!!! Maths lecture memang I always curi2 tidur. But other lectures, copy the notes!! No time to have a break!! However, in the middle of lecture, I was so confused, was thinking too much and accidentally slept.:/ This week pun we got our 3 thick science books! Seksa sangat nak angkat balik those 3 books! I brought the books from FF2, turun bukit, muka struggle, beg berat (I wonder what I put inside the bag), Yun, Mai, Hana, Farah were like, "Alya, kau ok tak Alya? Larat tak??". Trying to smile, and shouted a bit cakap, "I'M OKAY!!". Tu lah. Badan kecik tapi jiwa besar. Sampai je bus stop tepi PSB, nak naik bus. Alamak! Touch N Go card! What to do??? I couldn't put those books anywhere. Cangkung jap, put on my lap. Dengan muka kepenatan, tercari-cari Touch N Go card dalam bag. Tangan dah menggeletar, angkat balik the books. Semua orang pelik tengok aku cangkung dengan 3 thick books. Segan dah... Muka sorang2 simpati. I was like, erkkkk... Janganlah pandang macam tu. Segan. Hik2!^^, Then on the bus, tercari-cari port untuk letak those books. Nasib baik ada. Then turun bus, sambung seksaan jap. Roommate tak balik lagi kot! Pintu kunci! Dah terduduk depan pintu bilik, cari2 kunci, bukak pintu sambil terduduk, pintu terbukak, angkat balik buku ke atas meja. Masuk2 bilik je terus terbaring kelenguhan. Gila sangat.

Week Three!!!
Keadaan dah reda dengan boys of D4. But kena bahan balik especially dengan Halim, Zakwan and Niq!! Isk3... Monday was the first time ever to take a quiz in university life! Study lepak je. And shocked when I had a look at the questions. *Jawdrop* No regret of not staying up or studied too much. I was happy with the quiz! Again, my friend came to visit me and I got something from him!! That something did make me laugh. I was happy again! Cerita kedai kopi a.k.a Nescafe bermula. Ok lah. This friend of mine has motivated and inspired me so much. He puts me back to the right path. I was a bit lost before. So that's why I feel like appreciating him a lot. I REALLY REALLY REALLY DO! I couldn't thank him more for such deeds.:) Everyday's just a normal day. Naik turun tangga, go to class, enjoy2. Weeeeee~~ And one more shocking thing was Afiff mengaku I as his best friend. I was like, HUHHHHH??? ARE YOU SERIOUS??!!! But didn't ask him why. Heheh. Biarlah dia. Janji dia bahagia. Partner in crime. LOL.o.O So as everyone sibuk2 dengan kupon aktiviti, aku pun eager to know what is it all about. Some people were not even sincere to take part in activities semata-mata kerana kupon. On Friday, dah plan dengan Hana, Yun and Mai untuk dengar ceramah Recipe of Women. Gembira dapat pergi and mendengar. I didn't know ada gak kupon for that until the end of the talk. Bila kata kupon tidak dapat diberi kerana tidak cukup, ramai lah yang memberi respond seperti "Kenapa kupon tak cukup?? Aku nak kupon! Susah2 aku spend time kat sini.". And dalam hati aku berkata, "Korang ni nak dengar ceramah ke nak kupon sebenarnya??". Memang la kupon tu penting, but if you're sincere enough to hear the talk, you don't even care about the kupon. Cuak sangat ke tak dapat kupon yang cukup? Banyak lagi aktiviti la. I don't worry much because I'm an active type. But depends on what type of activities are organized. Boleh je kan nak participate. Poyo sungguh saya. Just bear with it.:p Guess what! I'm in love! Tak tau lah dengan siapa. Biarlah rahsia.;)

Week Four!!!!
So many quizzes and assignments!! I got 10/10 for last week's Maths quiz!! Alhamdulilah! So fourth week ni lebih kurang like third week. Busy memanjang. But I got all the support I needed throughout the week. Thank you love. Really appreciate it.<3 Dah lah since masuk U ni I spent so much on phone creds. Phone maxis is dead, and I had to do all the texts and calls using number Celcom. Sorry friends if I didn't reply your texts. Call sana sini, tanya where to study, ask about assignments or tutorials. Gila kentang sangat. Bila nak repair phone pun cek tak tau. Padahal rasa makin susah bila have to support using one network je. Creds mengalir bagai air je. Sedih sangat.T.T And week four was my very first time menjejakkan kaki ke Pendeta Cafe. Had a try there. Not bad lah. But apa2 pun mum's cook still the best! She's a good cook pun. It's in the genes. And I have it too! HOHOH. Friday. Daftar ko-kurikulum!!!!!!! Hana, Mai, Farah and I had a look at the activities and went to register before Chemistry lecture. Gila kentang when almost all activities were full. Wanted wall climbing and extreme games. Full gak. Thought of netball at first but for sure macam ramai je nak. So awal2 dah tolak. Entah macam mana memang rezeki terpijak, bila lalu kat satu pintu bilik lecturer ni, ada list for netball. Surprisingly, baru 15 people registered. Apa lagi! I wrote my name there lah! Alhamdulilah. Tak sangka. My second best sports. Ok lah kan... But above all, still disappointed because there's no athletics!!!!!! That's my number 1 favourite sports! Memang in my heart always. It's my passion! I'm willing to train or to be trained if I got the chance. Okay. So Friday ada quiz Chemistry!!!!!!! I thought it was same like what other classes got. But soalan sendiri rupanya Ms. Fariza bagi. Everyone memang tension tak dapat buat. That's how my day at UiTM on Friday ended.

So dah sebulan ni memang there were a lot of ups and downs. Happy, sad, depressing and so many emotions I've expressed. Well, not bad lah life here. Not much difference from my previous school. Because I'm still surrounded by people who are of my type. Satu kepala lah. Bersikap gila-gila, nakal. They really know how to live this life. I didn't even regret tak dapat anywhere as good as my friends in KYS. They truly deserve those while I don't. Aku banyak main2 time SPM. Padan lah muka kan. Apa pun, I'll give my utmost best to get 4.00 flat. InsyaAllah. Ada hikmah aku tak dapat what I've aimed for. I got the chance to fix my life. Damages here and there. If I didn't fix it A.S.A.P memang aku hanyut dah. I don't care much about where to study. Because I care much of being what I should be. A good Muslimah. Allah tak pandang berapa A kita dapat. Allah pandang siapa diri kita sebagai hamba Allah. Hamba yang taat ataupun ingkar. Thank you Allah for giving me this chance. My life is much happier now.:) And to UiTM Puncak Alam, saya sangat bersyukur berada di tempat yang amat selesa serta serba lengkap. I just wanna say, "Alya, keep on being your true self. Alya will always be there to get your back Alya.". I may not speak out my intentions but I always keep it inside. That's how I keep on being positive. To my friends, indeed sometimes keadaan agak sukar bila study or apa. Do less complaining, but more attempts. It's all about mindset. So, ganbatte siswa dan siswi! Let's strive for the best!

Ganbatte! Letak gambar Archie la. Comel sikit.<3

Thank you and Assalamualaikum...:)

21 April 2011

Always at Heart

Hello again.

This time I would like to tell my flashback yesterday. It was 12 noon when I signed in my Facebook. 3 notifications. I wonder from who. Ras Atiqah posted on your wall. I clicked on it. She said,

"Kita tgh tgk skrg.and gelak sorg2:DDDD"

At 12.07 pm, I replied, 

"nti ble arp dah selesai, nak tengok balik. wuuuuuuu~~ rindunya kat boyfriend i yg berambut merah tu...:'((("

The conversation ended for a while. I the walked into my room and checked my phone. 1 missed call. I wondered from who. 'V_Pingu Celcom'. I don't like to make calls. So I just asked,

"nape call?"

He didn't reply instantly. I just left my phone on my bed and back to the desktop. As I sat down, a chatbox popped out. From Ras Atiqah.

"Yanad," she said.
"Ye?" I replied.
"Awak dah tau ke blum?" I felt something wrong.
"Pem2 dah tak ada,"
 "Innalillah Wainnailaihi Raji'un"
I felt my heart broke into pieces. Tears were about to burst. I was shocked and in disbelief. I had never ever think of such thing could happen. A just lost a friend. With those awful feelings, I continued asking.

 "Mana awak dapat tau?" Ras then listed a few names I could not remember.
"Bila jadi? I asked.
"Baru je"

At that time my father was nearby me. I don't cry in front of people. I haven't told my father yet about that at that time. I just went to my room, still in shock and checked my phone. A text from Pingu telling me the same bad news. I couldn't control myself and cried all alone. I never wanna lose anyone in Vigor. Never ever. But it happened. I had to accept the fact Izzi Hanafi's gone. Although I'm not a close friend of him, but more than 5 years being together as a batch have made the bond between us became very strong. It's incomplete without one of us. Because each and every one of Vigor has different personalities. Yes. Incomplete it is without one. Thinking about what we have been through for 5 years, Vigor is still strong. We never backed down. Despite the fights and arguments, we are still friends no matter what.

Now that we lost one, we are all sad. Boys or girls, we all cried for you Izzi Hanafi. Even teachers cried for you. And some people told me the whole school was gloomy yesterday, mourning for your loss. Sorry sebab tak ada kenangan yang banyak dengan kau. Apa yang aku ingat was masa OBS Form 4. Kitorang satu group. Time kat Pantai Shawal tu, kalau tak silap aku we were in the same shift. Shift sebelum subuh. Time tu sentry2 sebelum tu semua tidur terus kat tepi pantai. Kitorang yang berjaga and borak2. Tu je yang aku  ingat.

Thank you for the best 5 years of my life though we're not that close but it's because the Vigor aura. InsyaAllah, you'll be safe there buddy. Allah loves you more. We are all proud that you have been such a good person and you need not to commit sins anymore. I believe you are happy now. Many people have prayed for your happiness there. The whole day, everyone was talking about you especially the Vigorians and the ones who are close to you..You'll always be in our hearts Izzi. You will.

Ini jelah gambar yang aku ada dengan kau. Time ni kitorang borak2 before start kayak

This is the last picture Vigor with you. Tapi Vigor tak lengkap gak.:(

Ni gambar kau masa Form 3 yang aku simpan untuk launching PMR.
Muhamad Izzi Hanafi bin Noordin
14th September 1993 - 20th April 2011

Vigor tetap 58 orang walau apa pun terjadi. Anda sentiasa dalam ingatan.:)

1st Blog Entry

Well hello world!

I had one blog before, but I deleted it due to privacy matters? Chey... Macam la hot sangat. Uwekkkss!!
This is just a brief intro. So, what I'm trying to tell is I'll talk about recent happenings or even my life experiences though it was just 18 years of living. Whatever. It still means a lot to me, teaching me to improve every mistake, helping me to achieve success. Frankly speaking, I like to tell my thoughts which made people think I'm a freak. I could accept that fact. It's okay. Because I always believe that being odd makes me different from others. That concludes that I'm not a typical person. Okay. I shall proceed to the next topic in the next blog. Daaa~~