26 August 2011

Left Unwritten

It has been a while since the last time I updated this blog. Kinda busy. Or still thinking what to write. Pity lah my blog. Abandoned for quite some time. But I promise I'll be back with factual entries instead of recent happenings in my life. Quite unnecessary but felt like sharing. If I can write out good points, I'll feel relieved. I just need some inspirations, ideas, observations and yada3 at the moment.

I feel like I'm a bit lost. But where to? Guess I should find my way back and hit my head so hard. I currently don't have the writing momentum. Guess I should say something during the 1 week break. Maybe I'm a bit under pressure with the surrounding, making me uncomfortable and disturbed. Oh well... Guess I should go for a rehab. Trying to get that Alya back. Guess the surrounding's trying to make me change myself. A bit depressing and finding a way to get rid off it. I'm starting to get to that depressed stage. Ain't good.

Need my remedy. Don't wanna hear anything from anyone. They're trying to make me tend to show the bad side of mine. Anger. Dah lama tak jadi hot-tempered. But once kena, I swear you won't dare to come near to me. If I'm out of control, I may beat you up hard. Seriously. That's the worst I've done and I wish nobody forces me to do that again. I was bad at anger management. And now, just because I try to be as patient as possible, it doesn't mean you can simply make me angry. Don't laugh, don't ignore. I've beaten up people when I'm terribly mad. People may say I've lost my mind but it's true.

Who says a girl can't be like that? People have their own ways of expressing anger. Eventhough people have changed, don't ever think they won't repeat what they've done. It may happen again for at least once. I'm just tired with people around me and myself too. Need some rest and find some peaceful moment alone. A bit emo. Sorry for that. Didn't mean to say. Just, it's something that has not been told. It's a warning that I have my limits too though people see me being happy-go-lucky all the time. You're wrong people. This is a simple warning. Follow if you don't wish to see me beat you up. I've kept all your words that hurt my heart so much and yet I'm still smiling, layan. I don't wish you would make me embarrass myself doing bad things to you. I'm done with it. Do respect me. Please.

Just saying what I've kept for years because of me, trying to manage my anger. Throughout those years, I've kept so much and my friends know that I used to have fights with boys. Punching and kicking. Forget all the pain. It's all anger rushing in my blood. I enjoyed it. To make others feel my pain too. Done. Going to sleep peacefully. Alas!! Goodnight. Assalamualaikum.

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