Not all girls are the same. I am different.

Assalamualaikum and hello!:)

Girls. People may say that girls are all the same. I don't think so. Me myself a girl but at times I don't really like what other girls do. Boys may define girls as "gedik". Think again. Am I like that? Ahaks! So perasan. If I'm like that, what about girls that are even more "gedik" than me? I think I'm neutral. Neutral in a way saya tidak memihak kepada lelaki atau perempuan walaupun perlu mempertahankan kaum sendiri. Faham maksud saya?

Tidak? Baiklah. Girls. Who doesn't like to be a girl? Bak kata Ustazah Idha, perempuan senang sangat nak masuk syurga, tapi lagi senang nak masuk neraka. At that moment, bila dengar, rasa cuak lah gak. Apa yang perlu dilakukan memanglah senang. Obey Allah, parents, husband, puasa, solat cukup, tutup aurat and etc. Tapi nak jaga amatlah sukar. Even orang yang amat kuat imannya pun boleh tersilap, apatah lagi kita yang masih goyah? Bersikap lembut tapi tak semestinya lemah. Malah perempuan ni amatlah dilindungi. Untung kan? Ada ke perempuan yang melindungi lelaki? Gangster kot perempuan tu. Laki dia wimp.=_=

As for me, Alhamdulilah dilahirkan sebagai seorang perempuan. I always believe in one thing. Girls are all pretty. Allah dah ciptakan semua makhluk-Nya cantik2. So tak perlulah pandang cermin and cakap muka buruk. Instead, say Alhamdulilah! Nak humble tu humble lah gak but tak perlulah until we have low self-esteem. Nak tunjuk muka pun malu sebab kata buruk sangat. Nonsense! Percaya kan even if a girl is not that pretty but she can always be pretty. Tak perlulah secara luaran. Dalaman pun dah cukup. Even when I myself see a girl yang baik sangat perangainya, I'll say she's beautiful. I do envy those people. Trying to be one. Still in the making. Dah lah sopan santun, lemah lembut, senyum setiap masa, perangai pun buat perangai 100% perempuan. Unlike me, I admit I don't behave at times. Yelaa... Ejek orang, kutuk orang, mengumpat, cakap merepek. But cakap merepek is on top of my list. Yang others tu ikut mood lah. Masya-Allah. Tak baiknya aku ni...

But that's the furthest I can go I guess. Alhamdulilah tak ada lah kritikal sangat aku ni, though dulu zaman sekolah rendah, aku ni amatlah tomboy. Kisah benar ni! Rambut potong pendek, pakai seluar pendek, kawan dengan lelaki. Mujurlah itu zaman sebelum baligh kot. Kanak-kanak memang lah berakal pendek. Semua yang dibuat atas dasar pengaruh dan keseronokan pada mereka. Bila dah masuk zaman remaja, it's normal to see changes in ourselves. Aku sendiri pun mula berubah sedikit demi sedikit menjadi lebih feminine. But still not fully changed. I didn't have good fashion sense, tak suka pakai kain and fancy2 clothes. I only liked plain clothings. Not much corak yang melambangkan feminine. Tak reti pakai make up, perangai masih kelakian sedikit. Other factors, maybe because I have an elder brother. So much boy influence from him. And maybe sebab tak banyak pendedahan about outside world. 5 tahun duduk terperuk dalam hutan.

Sebab aku jadi feminine ni pun sebab I had crush on boys. Biasa lah kan. Bila nak give impression to people we like, of course nak jaga everything and tak nak malukan diri. Ahahahhahah! Malunya zaman dulu-dulu...:p Unlike other girls, diorang memang dah cukup feminine. Of course lah boys prefer them. Kalau nak dengan aku, mesti diorang rasa amat gay. Sedihnya kalau orang rasa sebegitu kat aku dulu. Mungkin ada. Memang aku dulu dicop perangai macam laki. By Form 5, I think I've almost changed entirely. Dah pandailah sikit berfashion. Adalah kan terfikir bila my mum said, "Awak ni dah besar. Pakailah kemas2, lawa2". After that, terfikir how my mum felt actually. I'm her only daughter. My mum jenis yang melaram. Tiba2 her daughter... Ibarat laki. Awwwwhhhh.... A big disappointment to her perhaps. Kesian la kat dia. At least I've to make her proud. Bukan buat orang katakan yang tak baik kat aku.

You know that moment when my mum and I getting ready to go somewhere, pakai tudung together in front of the mirror and she always betulkan my tudung, and she'll say, "Kan lawa anak ibu...". I knew she was happy. Bila hati dah betul2 terbuka to accept life as a girl, I learned a lot from her. And now I don't have to take a long time to make decisions on what to wear, what clothes that I want to buy. But cara bertudung, tak ada nak ikut sangat fashion yang pelbagai zaman sekarang ni. Fancy sangat bagiku. Ikut my mum's style sudeh...

I really want a collection of this one thing. So this one thing, I started to minat masa Form 5 dulu. My bedmate, Sharifah Zahirah Idid has a lot of jubah Mekah. And bila tengok dia pakai, aaaaahhhhhhh.... SO PRETTY! I WANT ONE!! Jealous sangat! Dah lah got a chance to do Umrah. Then balik sini with macam2! Not only her jubah Mekah. But she brought along something that I called a soul of a true Muslimah. I remember she always bring this small green tafsir al-Quran, English version to class and read whenever there was free time. Untunglah ada bedmate macam dia. Aman sangat hidup. Malah I learned a lot from her.:) Ok. So that one thing is jubah Mekah. I have one. And I want more!! Pernah lah gak menyatakan hasrat untuk memakai purdah kat dia. I think kat luar dia pakai. And I'm currently waiting for my time to come. Insya-Allah.:)

So that was basically how I was before. Not truly a girl. But now, 90% kot. Hehe... I should say what I've gone through has made me become so different from others. Until now, I still have the same inside. Ego tinggi macam laki, kuat pendam perasaan, susah nak tunjuk emosi macam perempuan, tak mudah mengalah, tak terlalu ambil kisah. Generally macam ni. Tak tau lah kalau dengan certain people perangai tu lain. Tak perlulah untuk semua orang merasakan sentuhan hati yang lembut ni. Geli lak cakap macam ni. Tak macho ler... Okay2. Certain2 orang sahaja ok? Limited edition.;) Nanti kalau bagi semua laki rasa, dah jadi macam magnet. Menarik perhatian. Hahahahhah. Gurau ok? Gurau. Takkan jadi macam tu.

Begini caranya pun masih digelar perempuan. Tak perlu jadi perempuan2 yang typical iaitu perempuan yang terlalu gemar dengan fashion zaman sekarang, bertudung tapi masih terbuka sana sini, pakai londeh2, suka snap photos dengan gaya yang menggelikan, gelak ibarat pontianak, jerit2 ibarat kena rasuk, jalan goyang sana goyang sini.(Aku jalan macam spring. Coach aku cakap la. Ok kan?;p) Freaky ok??? Tak teringin nak jadi macam tu! Kalau aku dah rasa macam tu, apa lagi lelaki. Malah aku dah dengar pun apa lelaki rasa about that. Maybe ada perempuan yang tak boleh terima kenyataan ni and menuduh kitorang yang gedik sebab dengar cakap lelaki tapi memang dah betul. Sebaik-baiknya kita cubalah ubah kalau rasa2 dah memang silap. Tak perlu nak mempertahankan apa yang salah. I'm imperfect too but always try to be better.

Akhir kata, walau apa pun perangai seorang perempuan tu, biarlah yang baik2 yang dipamerkan. Perlu ke nak jadi perempuan yang paling cantik dalam dunia ni sampai jadi perhatian semua orang? Tak jealous ok? Sekadar berkata.:) Cantik dalaman, pasti cantik luaran. Sejuk mata memandang. And don't matter what we were used to be, people can change themselves to have a better life. Like how I was, tak perlu lihat zaman silam kerana sekarang dah lain. Lain sangat dari dulu. Macam syllabus sesuatu subjek, zaman sekarang memang tak boleh guna syllabus zaman dulu sebab dah berbeza isinya. Begitulah manusia. And apa perlu dilakukan? Kita terima je apa yang dah disediakan untuk kita seperti syllabus tu. Takkan masih nak guna yang zaman dulu punya syllabus kan? Logic la kan? Girls, watch out! Life's getting even harder for you now. Do what's right and you'll be safe.

Thank you and Assalamualaikum.:)