I Shouldn't Abandon This

This blog has been soooo senyap for the past few MONTHS. Not weeks. Sigh....

I should make this place as a platform to express my thoughts. No. Not that personal anymore. Maybe sometimes. Urrggghhhh... I always try so hard to not publicize something personal. I just tend to. I'm just excited.... As always.-_-

I guess I just wasted these few months not writing something. But whenever I started to write and had to stop, it's a NO NO to continue writing. Ilham terputus tengah jalan. Sad. I'm no good at memorizing. So that's why I can't stop or I'll forget everything in my mind. I'm only good at calculating and understanding facts. I always randomly tell geeky facts to people. And they do that do-I-look-like-I-care face. Blerrrghhhh...

AT LEAST IT'S NOT AS BAD AS K-POP!!! Kbye.

Common Sense People!!

Why do I have to meet people who have no common sense. Come on people! We are already in a university and we should be able to think logically! We are not babies anymore, who can't differentiate between bad and good things. How babies actually are? They keep on asking questions even which the answer is obvious like,

"Mum, why do I have to go to school?". 

Just because they are kids and they know nothing, the mum won't say something like 

"Awwwhhhh baby, because you're dumb!". 

But if it was you asking, guess that should be the answer.

Luckily I'm not one of those people who are lacking of common sense. Also known as BLONDES. But blondes are way, way dumber. Ok. So firstly, have you ever heard of this blonde jokes? If you haven't, go search at Google, hoping that you understand. If you don't then you're a blonde too. You know why? Because you don't even take a minute to understand it and you say you don't understand it. I'm sorry to say but they are usually girls. I'm not trying to degrade females though I am one. 

BUT AS A FEMALE I CAN'T ACCEPT SUCH THINGS TOO! I'M EMBARRASSED!!>:(

I can't deny that girls are excellent in academic. Sadly they are only being book smart. Not street smart. That's why nowadays there are students who are willing to be prostitutes just to get money for their own. They never think of the long term consequences, what their future might be. For them, at that moment, they feel that the money will guarantee their future for which it is used for their fees, house rents and etc. Duit haram! Tak berkat ilmu!

As always men have so many plans. Alaaaa... Pujuk sikit dah terperangkap. Yes, I can't deny men can always be good thinkers and they are intelligent in their own way. Itulah sebabnya Allah jadikan lelaki untuk memimpin. 

Ok. Seems like I've been carried away. Back to the topic, I just have a few things to say.

1. Use your intelligence wisely. There's no need for you to ask something that's obvious.

2. Use your logic part of brain. YOU are able to be independent and find your own way to get what YOU wish to find. Do not ask as long as you haven't found it. It may be on your head, in front of your eyes or needs some patience to find. This is applicable to finding stuffs, info or whatsoever.

3. No need of being panic when you can't do something. Keep calm. Chill....

This is truly stupid.

Honestly, I always try to find what I want with my own will. I never ask first. Because I always believe with that one ability of never give up and you will always find your way. Even small things like finding how to register a course. I do take some time to check the details, which is needed, which is not. With a little logic, you think why this can't be done, why that can't be done. Not simply jump into conclusion, that is, I don't know how to do this, what should I do? Why it turns out to be like this?? HELP! HELP!!

Later in your life you'll yell to your husband, "BANG!! How to feed the baby?? Tak tau nak buat apa!!". Memang kena PANG sekali kat muka. Padan muka. Hahah! But I don't blame some people are slow at catching info. When we explain to them zillion times they still don't understand. They are meant to be like that. Dah lampi nak buat macam mana. BUT PLEASE, if things are obvious, don't ask! Just find your own way to do it. If not, it'll become a habit. A BAD HABIT. If you're slow, learn to pick up fast. Or else you can make people pissed off. 

In class, you're lucky if you get patient teachers or lecturers. During my secondaries, memang ada yang tak layan if you ask stupid questions. It is as if disturbing the class, making the class pace slow. Sejarah with Mr. Rama memang extremely express. Ketinggalan, nasib lah korang. Study sendiri. Kalau tiba2 ada test, nasiblah. I even failed some quizzes during awal tahun because I was busy with sports activities. It did affect my pointer. Yes. KYS guna CGPA and GPA pointers macam kat university and all of that so called carry marks. And I always wanted that 3.5 GPA to get the Principal List but never got one. I've faced so many disappointment. 

Apa2 pun, just take a deep breath, think and do. Ask people when you're totally stuck. But I always ask stupid questions just to annoy people. At least they know I'm being annoying and not gonna hate me. But haters will always hate, only if they take it seriously. Yeah. Emo people. Ok. Hopefully when you read this, you are less likely to talk to me because of THIS!! Nevermind. I just hope you guys learn something from this. No offense. Just saying.

Assalamualaikum and good day.:)

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!

Assalamualaikum, salam sejahtera....:)

Lamanya tak update my blog. Been busy+lazy. All the sy/zy. Weeeeeeee..!!! I just got back from UiTM Segamat. Woahhh!! Okay. So where do I start? Wrong question I guess. What should I write? I'm here not to tell what I've gone through for the past few months though I did share some. Because I think it's interesting? Maybe la. Padahal lame je.-.- Ok. Just wanna share whatever is important. Give reminders. Sorry if dah jauh menyimpang. Kadang2 rasa macam tak ingat dunia. Overexcited. Freak. Hohoh.

Feel like writing something but still considering whether to write or not. I'm not gonna troll anyone here. I make stories public but let the doers remain unknown. I have no rights to publish their stories. Good girl aite? Give me some time to think what to write. Let me remember what had happened and share. *tidur dan cari ilham*

Assalamualaikum, selamat malam...;D

Left Unwritten

It has been a while since the last time I updated this blog. Kinda busy. Or still thinking what to write. Pity lah my blog. Abandoned for quite some time. But I promise I'll be back with factual entries instead of recent happenings in my life. Quite unnecessary but felt like sharing. If I can write out good points, I'll feel relieved. I just need some inspirations, ideas, observations and yada3 at the moment.

I feel like I'm a bit lost. But where to? Guess I should find my way back and hit my head so hard. I currently don't have the writing momentum. Guess I should say something during the 1 week break. Maybe I'm a bit under pressure with the surrounding, making me uncomfortable and disturbed. Oh well... Guess I should go for a rehab. Trying to get that Alya back. Guess the surrounding's trying to make me change myself. A bit depressing and finding a way to get rid off it. I'm starting to get to that depressed stage. Ain't good.

Need my remedy. Don't wanna hear anything from anyone. They're trying to make me tend to show the bad side of mine. Anger. Dah lama tak jadi hot-tempered. But once kena, I swear you won't dare to come near to me. If I'm out of control, I may beat you up hard. Seriously. That's the worst I've done and I wish nobody forces me to do that again. I was bad at anger management. And now, just because I try to be as patient as possible, it doesn't mean you can simply make me angry. Don't laugh, don't ignore. I've beaten up people when I'm terribly mad. People may say I've lost my mind but it's true.

Who says a girl can't be like that? People have their own ways of expressing anger. Eventhough people have changed, don't ever think they won't repeat what they've done. It may happen again for at least once. I'm just tired with people around me and myself too. Need some rest and find some peaceful moment alone. A bit emo. Sorry for that. Didn't mean to say. Just, it's something that has not been told. It's a warning that I have my limits too though people see me being happy-go-lucky all the time. You're wrong people. This is a simple warning. Follow if you don't wish to see me beat you up. I've kept all your words that hurt my heart so much and yet I'm still smiling, layan. I don't wish you would make me embarrass myself doing bad things to you. I'm done with it. Do respect me. Please.

Just saying what I've kept for years because of me, trying to manage my anger. Throughout those years, I've kept so much and my friends know that I used to have fights with boys. Punching and kicking. Forget all the pain. It's all anger rushing in my blood. I enjoyed it. To make others feel my pain too. Done. Going to sleep peacefully. Alas!! Goodnight. Assalamualaikum.

PAPERWORKS!!

Assalamualaikum and selamat sejahtera...

Sesiapa nak copy of paperworks, can ask from me. Give me your e-mail!! Especially Vigor2 sekalian yang dah mula busy with works and in need of proposals and whatsoever. Secretary anda masih menyimpan dua-tiga complete proposals and other documents!:) Sorry tak ada banyak because banyak yang dah hilang. Sedihnya... Hasil kerja aku semua hilang begitu sahaja. Okay. Yeah. Terasa nak cakap, BAJETNYEWWWW.... Sekadar perasaan.:)

Daaa~~ Assalamualaikum...

Stuck in the Middle

Have you ever been in a situation where you just have no way out? Or a a situation when you're new to a group of people and they just don't know you and can't accept you yet? Oh yes! I'm stuck in the middle. Ok. Let's say, you just became a friend to someone who just lost a friend. You're new to his or her world. Well, friends know each other and try to adjust themselves so that they are compatible with each other. Of course lah. Kalau seorang macam itik, seorang macam ayam, macam mana nak understand each other and get along kan? Whatever happens between both of you, tak ada lah nak kecoh to the whole world and masing2 ada their own point of view.

Usually the matter of point of view ni timbul when berlakuya conflicts or misunderstanding. Maybe si A ni rasa dia ni cuma marah sikit with B while B ingat dia ni marah sangat dengan his or her mistakes sampai B ni rasa bersalah. But then korang dah selesaikan sesama korang. HOWEVER!! I repeat, however, when other people know what happen between both of you, people will start to make assumptions and create bad stories. Even things that you don't even do boleh jadi issue. I've seen and experience this a lot of times sampai dah jemu and dah bosan. Why nak campur tangan hal orang lain when you just know nothing. I mean, tak kisah lah if ada berniat murni nak selesaikan pergaduhan but find the right time to do that because things may get even worse.

Ok. So let me make it clear, tadi kiranya A ni berkawan dengan kawan baru bernama B kan? In the same time, A ni ada group of friends. Kawan sedia ada dia. So katakanlah in the situation kat previous paragraph ni was created by kawan2 lama A ni and they just give a warning to B to stay away from A, mestilah B terpinga2 sebab none of what they say are even true. Ni semua sebab that wrong assumptions they made or even base on incomplete story from A. Kalau dah ada masalah, mestilah nak cari kawan untuk meluahkan masalah kan? So mestilah both A and B nak buang segala masalah yang terpendam dalam diri. Maybe for A after dah berbaik lepas gaduh tu, dia rasa nothing happens because dia ada his or her friends yang support all the way. Kawan dah kenal lama kan...

B's situation memang far different from A. B ni dah lah baru kenal those people and when kena macam tu of course lah dia tak tau nak selesaikan masalah macam mana sebab he's on his own. Nobody's there for him. So kalau dia nak cerita kat orang lain, orang lain bukannya kenal that group of people yang menuduh dia ni. What hurts the most when B dikatakan have influenced A a lot sampai dia dah berubah. B memang lah pelik because dia sendiri rasa dia memang jadi diri dia sendiri and dia tak pandai nak pengaruh orang. Maybe changes of ways buat orang kata A dah berubah walhal tak salah. Kalau salah pun, mestilah dielakkan sebab sebagai kawan, kenalah memahami and tegur kesalahan. Unless A tak kisah with whatever B does. Maybe what B does memang secara tak sengaja. Bukan dibuat2 untuk buat A rasa berkawan dengan B lebih best daripada kawan dengan orang lain. Maybe A terlalu seronok jumpa kawan macam B sebab tak pernah jumpa orang macam tu. B tu pun tak nak bagitau A yang dia kena sound sebab dia tak nak menyusahkan A and buat kawan2 dia sound B lagi. So B ni biar simpan keperitan tu seorang diri.

So tu contoh situation that I'm trying to give. Deep from my heart, I just wanna say something. Sepanjang hidup aku, aku tak pernah pengaruh orang, melainkan pengaruh yang baik sampai orang terlalu sayangkan aku dan berterima kasih atas kebaikan yang aku bagi. Sebenarnya aku lebih mudah dipengaruhi. Orangajak aku berubah, aku pun berubah. Orang ajak aku buat jahat, aku fikir banyak kali. Tapi kalau hilang kewarasan nak berfikir panjang, boleh gak jadi jahat. Senang sangat untuk orang menipu aku kerana aku terlalu mudah percayakan orang. Senang sangat untuk patahkan hujah2 aku sebab aku ni selalu cakap mengarut je and mudah mengalah kalau orang tu mampu berkata2 lebih hebat dari aku. Sangat mudah untuk orang ambil kesempatan ke atas aku. Aku ni lemah sebenarnya. Ada lah gak orang cakap aku ni niat je nak jadi jahat tapi tak ada rupa. Aku ni macam baik sangat. Tapi itu je lah yang aku tak percaya.

Ada orang kata, bulan puasa ni aku lenyap, tapi ada je. Duuuuuuuuhhhhh!!! Aku manusia. Bukan syaitan. Dan sampai sekarang aku tetap keliru dengan siapa diri aku sebenarnya. Aku tak pernah ada arah hidup yang jelas. Sebab tu aku bila time nak SPM dulu, semua orang bersungguh2 dengan profile diorang sebab diorang memang dah jelas matlamat diorang. Aku masih blur. Tu yang results pun tak seberapa compared to others. Dalam seumur hidup aku, aku boleh kira berapa ramai orang yang pernah bergaduh dengan aku. Walaupun aku benci someone, aku tetap boleh bercakap, tak pun buat tak layan je sebab tak nak timbulkan pergaduhan besar. Aku gaduh pun, aku cakap sorry and leave my words to be pondered upon. Tak perlu nak persoalkan kata2 aku. Dulu, my family dah kenal aku ni macam undecided. Sikit2 entah, tak tau, suka hatilah, boleh lah, ok lah. Tapi sekarang ni dah kurang lah. Tak tau lah macam mana boleh berubah. Alhamdulilah. Tak ada lah menyusahkan orang sangat.

Aku ni kuat rasa bersalah. Kalau aku macam buat salah sikit dengan orang, tak tidur malam fikir apa nak buat. Petang tadi pun timbul masalah macam tu lagi. Aku pinjam telekung orang and entah macam mana telekung lain yang dipulangkan. Aku masih musykil sebab memang aku tak lepaskan telekung dari lepas sembahyang. Or maybe lepas sembahyang tu tinggal kejap kat tepi masa nak pakai tudung. Tak tau lah. Pening fikir. Takkan lah ada orang nak main2 tukar telekung.-.- Aku tak kisahlah ada masalah apa pun datang time2 macam ni. Aku still boleh harungi. Sebab dari dulu kat KYS, dah biasa sangat dengan multi tasking. So in one time, I can be a student, a thinker, a leader, a sister, a friend and macam2 tapi benda tu semua tak kacau pun studies. Bio and physics je yang tak score for reasons yang Vigor tau. Physics sebab aku rasa macam complicated with all the theories and applications. Bio memang otak aku tak sesuai untuk menghafal. Aku ni setakat suka mengira. Things based on pengetahuan di hujung jari. So malam nak exam tak struggle nak study. Seronoknya.

Asasi ni pun seronok sebab banyak mengira. Tu yang boleh tahan score lah except Bio, macam biasa. Tu yang aku relax gak sebenarnya. Istilah studies affected by problems ni semua karut bagi aku. Tak pernah ada istilah tu. Thanks KYS sebab ajar aku benda ni. Aku bukannya macam budak biasa yang goyang kalau ada prob. Aku ada pembahagian. Bila study, probs put aside. Bila tak study, aku fikir balik probs tu. Senang kan? Nak jadi pandai senang je. Kalau lemah, study sampai pandai. Jangan nak menggatal tambah masalah. Kalau dah pandai, wat lek je. Otak kena bagi sihat sebab badan affected by otak. Sebab tu aku sihat selalu. Alhamdulilah! Last time demam pun entah bila.

Ok. So kalau belum cukup kenal aku, jangan kata sembarangan. Nanti kawan2 lama aku yang dah jadi classmate, housemate, bedmate, roommate, dormmate, batchmate and segala2 mate yang kenal aku selama lima, enam tahun dengar pasal ni, mesti tergelak. Diorang dah kenal aku lebih dari sesiapa pun. Even tak semua benda parents aku tau pasal aku. Sebab aku tunjuk belang kat KYS and kat UiTM je. Segan2 depan diorang. Bila orang kata aku ni mempengaruhi, tak apa. Aku terima je. Aku dah tak nak kacau orang kesayangan korang lagi. Let him be what he used to be. I'm fine with that. Aku tak kisah asalkan that person be himself again. Sorry tulis tak bagi salam ke apa. Nak luah perasaan susah sikit nak buat intro baik2 ni. Macam tak sesuai. But bila dah lepas, it feels good and I'm just fine.

So actually I need kesedaran dari sesiapa yang membacanya tentang hubungan kita dengan kawan or dengan anyone pun. Tell me that you've gone through this at least once. And about myself, I have 54 people behind me. Aku belum boleh nak masukkan friends from UiTM sebab it's still too early. Ask Vigor who I was and am I still that person known as Alya Nadhirah yang banyak memberi semangat kat orang sampai orang berjaya? Or korang dapat jawapan yang aku ni dulu budak jahat yang tak berdisiplin yang selalu skip itu ini, buat salah, melawan cikgu and yada2? Eh, hello!! Aku bukan nak membangga diri tetapi aku tau yang aku ni ada comon sense nak uruskan kehidupan aku. Ok. Cukup lah tu. Now I've revealed more about myself. So just think for a while. Aku tak kata pun apa yang orang cakap kat aku tu salah, tapi kalau ikut logiknya, ada ke aku nak seksa orang kesayangan diorang sampai macam tu?? Haih....

Assalamualaikum and thank you for reading. Ambil lah berapa lama pun nak fikir pasal ni. Penat dah.

Me, Myself and I

Assalamualaikum! Selamat sejahtera!

Ok. Bosan sebenarnya. I think I had 2 posts tertunggak sebab on those days which the events occurred, agak busy la. Sobs... But nevermind. Haaaaaaaaaaiiiiihhhhhhh.... So it's already the 5th day of Ramadhan! So daily routine tu still on. Okayh... For those who don't know me, do you ever wonder how do I look when telling my thoughts?? Ahaaaa!! Mestilah tak kan? Unimaginable. Tak ada lah yang akan serupa with the way I talk and doing my expressions. Serious pelik. I just wish I can make emoticons exactly like my expressions. Usually people do this.:D But mine with the eyes closed or something I just do spontaneously. Cer try lah buat! No way it'll be the same.

Actors are the greatest imitators. So they are not unique. <-- Opinion. BEL lah sangat.:D You can find thousands or millions of actors but it's hard to find a person who can make expressions of their own. Or even gaya or personality. You know what caused this? Failure. I failed to imitate. It turns out to be something DIFFERENT. Failure to be someone else makes you unique. Though trying to be like someone else is good, like role model. Ok. I almost typed mole rodel. My mind's playing around.@.@ Whatever! Ok2. Continue. Be like someone is good but too much is ain't good. You know that moment when you're with friends, you feel like besties need to have compatibilities in everything. Let's say one of them tu suka shopping barang2 branded and jenis stylo. So kita ni yang tak berapa pandai nak berstylo and tak berapa nak kaya pun terikut2 nak stylo sampai over sangat and shop until flat broke. Konon nak buat BFF yang suka berstylo padahal tak. Menyampah tu ada lah! Contoh2! Tak berkaitan dengan yang hidup atau yang telah meninggal dunia.

Somehow that situation always happen. Even if orang cakap diorang ni satu kepala, actually they talk about that one common thing yang memang naturally ada in themselves. Not everything. Tak perlu nak photostat orang lain. Original sudeh. Frankly, I always try to act like others but memang tak jadi. Biarlah perangai diri sendiri yang menjadi and makes people know you for that something you have. Like what my friends and I cakap kat Afiff, "Ohhhhh!! Ni la budak tinggi tu!! Badan tegap, sasa, besar macam giant". EKEKEKEKKEEKK!! Gurau je bro. Lu tetap Abang Long ke Ayahanda or whoever yang ada dalam movie KL Gangster yang D4 boys obses sangat tu.=_= That quote tu shows that there's something significant to that person. Normal people are people who are like other people. Geddit??

It doesn't mean you perlu market kan diri and jadi popular. It's all about you being yourself. People know you for what you have. So lama2 people will know you. Kalau yang buat perangai memanglah dikenali. Itulah manusia yang suka lihat keburukan orang lain lebih dari kebaikannya. But that depends. One is if it's the truth and another one, rumours. Somehow keburukan yang ditunjuk tu seharusnya mendapat teguran secara baik. Bukannya mengutuk belakang2. Come on! Be brave! Face to face or any ways yang boleh menyampaikan the message to them. Kalau fitnah tu, nasib badan lah kena. Biar memang biar but janganlah sampai terlalu memudharatkan diri. Again, being yourself is good. But when yourself is bad, it ain't good.

Penatlah type. Heh. But I'll tell you 10 facts about myself.

1. Pelik. But not like Maria Elena. Pelik in my own way. In KYS dulu, orang panggil spastic or freak. What to do.... My actions are somehow involuntary. I don't realize what I'm doing until everyone looks at me. Segan sangat.

2. Nakal. Tak suka jadi innocent though at times I can be very innocent. Maybe I'm trying to get rid of that innocence and fikir jadi nakal could be the best way. SO NOT!! Sebab dah biasa sangat, sampai sekarang still melekat kenakalan tu. Kacau orang memang fav. Annoy them. HEHE.

3. Annoying. Macam annoying orange? Definitely maybe? It's hard to describe this. Find it yourself.

4. Gedik?? No waaaaayyyyyyy!!! That's why I'm a bit tomboyish because tak nak dapat that label. This is my way of avoiding. What's your way?

5. Kalau gedik tak mampu, menggoda lagi lah tak mampu! If I've made anyone in love with me, seriously aku tak menggoda pun. Just being myself because I show strangers who I really am. So if they fall in love with me at the moment they see me, I don't know why is it so. Tanyalah mereka.

6. Observant. Sejarah observant in my life memang panjang. From my beloved History teacher, lil' bro and sampailah ke special person *EHEM*. I didn't really know what I was doing when my teacher tegur that I've been observing people diam2. Since then I knew that I'm good at it. But not much.

7. Happy-Go-Lucky!!! As early as morning, I've already talk so much that people are just annoyed with me. Very spirited. A day without my voice, sunyi lah sikit D4 tu. I don't know what I like to say but I keep on saying things. I like to laugh a lot. Sampai ada orang kata "I always look forward to hear your voice and tinkling laughter,". Tak tau lah what kind of entertainment I give to them. What I know is that I'm happy or just have this tendency to act so crazy! LOL.

8. I'm a very down-to-Earth person. I don't care about what brand I'm wearing, who are my friends, what do I eat, where do I eat or even wearing that same shoes or sandals. What matters is, I'm grateful with what I have. I don't have much fancy clothes, I like to eat at mamak stall and I only have 2-3 shoes and sandals. Tak kaya pun nak beli kehendak. Sekadar memenuhi keperluan. KH Form 1 ni. Hehe.

9. I'm an athlete and I got my own moves and styles. That's why I run fast and jump far. Embarrassment is not a necessary reason of not being good. Overcome it and you can do far, far better!B)

10. Loving person who just loves to share her love with the whole world! Sayang, sayang, sayang. Oh yeah! Jangan salah faham. Being lovable helps you become the queen of the people! It's not that you rule. But you're surrounded by people who just need you to complete their life!

Do you have all 10? If not, then it's good! Means you're not my clone. Freaky if you are having them!! So ok. I'm done talking. Errrrhhhh... Aaaaaaahhhhhh.... Ok. Running out of ideas. Better go and find some. Till we meet again!! T-T-F-N!! Tata for now! Thank you for reading!

Assalamualaikum and good day!!:)